Why does the world hate America? That’s a question I’ve been pondering a lot lately… but I can stop pondering now. I found the answer in the middle of an otherwise unremarkable episode of South Park.
A commercial came on for a limited time offer: .999 pure silver-leaf $20 notes commemorating 9/11.
ugh.
The commercial bragged on and on about the “pure” silver-leaf and how the size “dwarfs” the currently minted bills. Riiight… just what America needs: Shinier and bigger. Give the rubes something glittery to play with while we distract them from the future by intimidating them with reminders of the past.
The back of the bill is an image of the tacky vulgarly named still not built proposed Freedom Tower with a sun glittering behind the Statue of Liberty of the artistic quality I surpassed in the third grade. Really, it’s a circle with lines coming out of it. The sun never has and never will look like that.
I almost puked when I saw the back, but, a la 2 Girls 1 Cup, as soon as you think it’s as bad as it’s ever going to get, it gets much, much worse.
The front is a crappy illustration of the original World Trade Center towers that surpasses the ugliness of the illustration of the Freedom (I hate calling it that) Tower. The original WTC towers were not ugly. I thought they were elegant in their simplicity–as opposed to the proposed architectural monster currently being built–but this illustration is worthy of elementary school art class. Remember when your art teacher would give you a dull needle and a scrap of copper foil and tell you to emboss a pattern into it? Yeah… it’s like that.
Pardon me while I vomit.
The towers are represented without a spire on the North Tower and with horizontal lines indicating the floors. The actual towers appeared to have only vertical lines because the windows were very narrow in order to make people who were afraid of heights comfortable. There were also no darker bands around the buildings in the illustration where the two Skylobbies were on each actual tower.
Does anyone else think the illustration of the Statue of Liberty looks like a melted Eiffel Tower capped by a giant sea urchin?
It also reminds me of a shorter, squatter one of these:
But that’s not what makes me want to vomit, not entirely.
Put a bucket in front of your mouth and look at the corners of the bill.
The commercial bragged about how this is the first piece of currency to use two separate numbers to connote the value of the bill: 9 and 11. 9 + 11 = 20 In a nation where people have to pull out their cell phones to figure out a 15% tip on a $10 meal, why would you pick two separate numbers and force the spender to add them before using the money?
No. Don’t answer that. I’m happier pretending not to know why they picked those certain two numbers that magically add up to 20. I would type my fingers off in rage if I didn’t pretend not to realise the campy, disgusting idolatry of the date of this tragic attack… the attack the US Treasury and Mint is now making money off of. I’m pretending not to notice that the simple numbers 9 and 11, when paired, set off long tirades and tear-filled whines from every southern-accented boob in this nation, as if the numbers had anything to do with it.
This couldn’t get more tasteless if they put a 7-4-fucking-7 on the front.
The world hates America and I no longer wonder why.
Oh Reed this reminds me, you inspired me. After your post about the $5 bill you had without the “In God We Trust” on it, I’d been on the lookout for something similar. I managed to get two 1934 $5 bills for only $25. I plan on keeping one in my wallet to show to the people who don’t believe it hasn’t always been on our money.
Comment by Patrick — 28 July 2008 @ 2:42 am
Ha! – I feel for ya, because obviously you got the close-range fallout. I was on the opposite end of the house on the computer — I don’t watch TV, my husband does — and I heard this commercial. I only heard a fragment, due to the continual “surf-mode” style in which our remote is used, but recall thinking how tacky it sounded and how a certain segment of the population was probably reaching for the cordless phone and the Visa card already.
My advice: Keep an airsickness bag handy at all times!
Comment by Volly — 28 July 2008 @ 6:57 am
Remember kids, it’s okay to exploit tragedy and loss so long as you can shriek “patriotism!” loudly enough.
Now if you’ll excuse me, my breakfast is no longer satisfied to remain in my stomach.
Comment by Spook — 28 July 2008 @ 10:43 am
I totally agree with the sentiment expressed in the post. This thing is a trashy and terrible piece of crap. But you seem to be blaming the US Mint and the Treasury Dept for it. The Feds have nothing to do with this tripe. It’s actually produced as a “collector’s item” by the National Collector’s Mint, a private company that specializes in sentimental, nationalistic bullshit. Nothing this company produces is legal tender in the US. The only monetary value this “bill” has is as a hunk of semi-precious metal. They could print $1,000,000 in all four corners and it would still only be worth whatever that much silver is trading for at the moment.
On the plus side, according to this company the $20 in my pocket is actually worth $160 because I can just add up all the 20s in each corner to get the real value right?
Comment by Paula — 28 July 2008 @ 11:12 am
I agree. It’s total bullshit.
But right now, I’m just curious, which episode was it?
Oh god, just now, the commercial for the… thing came on. What the fuck? o_o
Comment by ThatGuy — 28 July 2008 @ 12:16 pm
Paula, it’s authorised legal tender. That means the Treasury Dept. is making money off of it and the US Mint has approved its use as a $20 bill.
ThatGuy, it was during the Imaginationland director’s cut.
Comment by Rev. Reed Braden — 28 July 2008 @ 4:34 pm
Those are Liberian legal tender, not American. Which makes it even worse
Comment by the other adam — 28 July 2008 @ 5:31 pm
I didn’t pick up on that! Really? Liberia? What the hell are they going to do with this shit?
Comment by Rev. Reed Braden — 28 July 2008 @ 8:00 pm
Reed, it’s definitely not authorized US legal tender. From the National Collector’s Mint site: “National Collector’s Mint, Inc. is an independent, private corporation not affiliated with, endorsed, or licensed by the U.S. government or the U.S. Mint.” And from wiki: “The company does not produce coins that are legal tender in the United States, and is not affiliated with, endorsed, or licensed by the U.S. government or the United States Mint.” Note that they’re very careful to call it a “commemorative” or a “collectible” but they never refer to it as money or legal tender. As for Liberia, they do this all the time in conjunction with NCM. I think almost every commemorative 9-11 coin I’ve seen from NCM has been authorized by the govt of Liberia. It’s a fast and easy way for them to make money.
Comment by Paula — 1 August 2008 @ 3:01 am
Whatever the reason, this is incredibly fucking anti-American.
I say, who wants to bomb the Treasury in revenge?
Comment by Tom (Tit) — 7 August 2008 @ 3:16 am
Whatever the reason, this is incredibly fucking anti-American.
Comment by Tom (Tit) — 7 August 2008 @ 3:17 am