Hemant prompted this with a post about eHarmony.com’s new site for gay people.
Blame him.
He says, “She may be confusing X-Rated with purely hookup sites.”
I disagree, to an extent. Gays have a terrible track record with online dating sites. I’ve tried using dating sites–pathetic, I know–online and even the sites that are intended to be taken seriously are used as places to arrange motel one-nighters if they’re not tightly moderated. Even on the sites that are supposed to be for hookups, like Craig’s List, the M4M sections are especially filthy.
The following describes what I’ve seen on the Roanoke Craig’s List boards and may differ from your own Craig’s List experiences. English teachers shouldn’t click any links below this line. The spelling and grammar may kill you.
In the W4M section, it’s all about finding a nice man to party/dine with before having a romantic evening, “and we’ll see where it goes.” This is accompanied by a picture of the girl, fully clothed, with two friends at a bar or club. Occasionally–and mostly in bigger cities than Roanoke–there’s a dimly-lit picture in a full-length mirror of a girl in her panties presenting herself like a mandrill, but this seems to be the exception and not the rule.
In the M4W section, the men lie through their teeth about military experience, manual labour or their weightlifting experience that day before bagging about having a stable job and a steady income and being willing to support a woman emotionally and financially (but you know they’re just looking to screw her and leave her). The picture is of the man, fully clothed, standing in front of a pick-up truck, loading a mortar shell in their Army fatigues or raising their shirt to show their abs while wearing swimming trunks. Occasionally you get an ALL CAPS, “I WANNA FUCK SOME CHICK 2NITE!” post with a cell phone quality photo of a dick as it’s being strangled to make it look bigger. Good luck with getting a woman with that, guy.
The W4W section puts the heteros to shame. “Looking for a responsible, mature, dominant woman.” “Looking for my soul mate.” “Looking for sober femme.” The lipstick lesbians have headshots with wide smiles and glittering teeth. The butch dykes have pictures in a mirror wearing pyjama bottoms and zip-up hoodies. A few M2F trannies get on the board, but it’s always civil and clothed. Great job, lesbos! You win the award for least disgusting.
Don’t ever click on the M4M boards. Ever. You’ll have better luck finding respectable men on /b/.
There’s no talk of dating. It’s all, “In town from college/on business/visiting family. Looking for sex… NOW! I can host, but be discrete. Don’t care about drugs or disease. Just wear a condom. Send pics. No bears.” Then you have the swollen, strangled dick pictures on almost every post. It gets worst around Christmas, for some reason. The most romantic posts you’ll find are simply looking for handjobs rather than straight-up bum-bum sex. Although sometimes, a hilarious post comes along to throw pearls of humour to the swine, but that’s rare.
I’ve seen the same trend on dating sites that have spaces for male-for-male personal ads, though usually not as pronounced as they are on Craig’s List.
Why are gays so repulsive on the Internet?
Clearly you missed my Craig’s List post last December in W4M. It was surprising how many responses I got, given that it was utterly tongue in cheek.
Hell, I haven’t posted it at my page yet, have I? Heh.
Comment by pithandwit — 23 November 2008 @ 6:01 pm
Hahaha, love the post Reed, very funny stuff. I’d apply if I were a gay Christian, but I’m neither of those. And I don’t live in Roanoke. :(
Comment by Cereal — 23 November 2008 @ 9:36 pm
I have also found that gay dating sites are more than often hook-up sites. Unfortunately the best way to meet good men is simply in person and that’s often hard to do. My man and I have been together for 4 years now and I know we’re lucky to have met outside of online dating.
Comment by Jay — 23 November 2008 @ 11:45 pm
You know what? We just covered sexuality and gender in my Sociology class, and maybe this passage from our textbook (because I’m too lazy to paraphrase) might help:
“In [U.S.] culture, the sexual double standard encourages men to pursue sex as an end in itself, to seek a lot of sex with many different partners, outside of romantic or emotional commitment. And women are taught to consider sex with one partner and only in the context of an emotional relationship. As a result we see the highest rates of sexual activity among gay men (masculine sexuality times two), and the lowest rates among lesbians (feminine sexuality times two). Gay men have an average of over 30 partners during their lifetime, while lesbians have fewer than three. Gay men have the lowest rates of long-term committed relationships, straight men the next, then straight women, and finally, lesbians have the highest rates. Thus, it appears that men – gay or straight – place sexuality at the center of their lives, and that women – gay or straight – are more interested in affection and caring in the context of a long-term relationship.” – Sociology Now
Comment by yinyang — 24 November 2008 @ 12:53 am
Yes, dating sucks.
I don’t have anything really to add to the state of gay dating in the U.S., but what yinyang said does make sense..except for the straight men and women part. Wouldn’t those be the same? Anyway, it makes sense that gay men would have a harder time. I looked through some of the posts that Reed linked to, and there are a lot of “discretion a must” or “one night only” which is certainly not leaving one hopeful for a long-term relationship.
Even if gay dating is the suckiest, the whole situation is a pretty sucky one across the board. While I was at the University of Georgia, I would venture downtown to the clubs on occasion and would almost always leave saddened by the vanity and desperateness in both sexes. Most of the men were obviously only on the prowl for a hookup and proving themselves to their bros, and the women were either interested in themselves, showing the most flesh they could without being on a stage, or trying to outdo the guys in random hookups.
So, how did we get to this point? I haven’t done a study or anything, but here are some reasons
1. People are emotionally immature and can’t handle real relationships – Ever tried to get a guy to talk about his feelings and not call you a fag? Or a woman that doesn’t view every woman as a rival? Not a surprise that relationships are either not desired or that people feel that couldn’t maintain one.
2. Growing belief that all long-term relationships will fail – While I wish Christians had done better here, the fact is that divorce is prevalent across the board. A growing number of children grew up in a divorced family or at least have someone close to them that has experienced it. This leaves them with the expectation and fear that marriage is a farce and no one can be depended on, so just look after Numero Uno.
3. Marriage and long-term relationships are lame – It is fun to watch movies and shows where the real romance is either confined to before the “getting together” moment, then fade to black and romantic music or how marriage is presented as negative, depressing, and stunting to one’s happiness. We are raising a generation that believes marriage and long-term relationships to be a surefire way to end their fun and happiness.
4. Premature autonomy and Deluded Opinion – Here’s a hard one for most high school and college kids to grasp – You’re not that smart, and you don’t know what is best for you. Why do you think that high school and college aged youths pursue people that simply aren’t long-term material? It’s because they are dumb, short-sighted, or unwilling to listen to those that know better than them. This isn’t to say that they are completely ignorant, but there is wisdom that comes with age or listening to that know better than you.
5. Our culture is lacking in areas and safe scenarios where we can actually get to know another person – With a growing number of people leaving the church or living in large cities where most people are just superficially known. This leaves clubs, work, and the internet to be the places we rely on to met that special someone, but none are really safe environments or intended to promote relationship buillding
Comment by Trey Jackson — 24 November 2008 @ 2:06 am
Listen up here, Reed! If I am looking for a serious relationship with a guy, one of the requirements is that he would have to be a /b/tard. A straight /b/tard, but still.
/b/ is not that bad. It’s just…uh…*clicks on /b/*…fapfapfapfapfapfapfap.
Comment by Evolved Rationalist — 24 November 2008 @ 11:00 am
Trey, I like the way you started. Your first two reasons are spot on. Your third reason is understandable, with 50 failure rates for christian marriage; it does not leave much hope. But number four is just a result of immaturity, which is part of a lack of taking responsibility. We, as a society, have had no good role models for people who have taken responsibility. No one takes responsibility for the fail marriages, no one take responsibility for our economy, and no one takes responsibility for the failure in our government. No role models equal no one believing they need to take responsibility. That leads to bad choices because no one recognizes that everything has consequences.
But your 5th reason is just woo…. We need hope, which your churches are no longer providing. We attempt to find that hope in the bars, at work, and on the internet because the churches (all churches) have become part of the political machine.
I just wish that gay marriage was legal in the US. I look forward to the time when the gay divorce rate is compared to the straight divorce rate. When given the chance, people who have been denied the right to marry the person of their choice will stay married much longer than those who take the right for granted.
Comment by dc-agape — 24 November 2008 @ 2:16 pm
Can I steal that graphic!!!!!!!
PUHLEASE!!!!
Comment by badmormon — 24 November 2008 @ 7:25 pm
Sure
I stole the concept from Greta Christina.
Comment by Rev. Reed Braden — 24 November 2008 @ 7:27 pm
Ouch. Well, guys are kind of perverted anyways…Yes you mister! :P
And well, put two together…
It has nothing to do with being homosexual–it’s just with women they have to pretend not to be complete perverts. ;)
Comment by Yvette — 25 November 2008 @ 10:26 pm
Hi my name is ricky I’m looking for a gay guy who will treat me with respect if this is you call me 513 571 2973
Comment by ricky shockley — 15 June 2009 @ 8:13 am
If you’re the type of idiot who will put your name and phone number on a blog comment in hopes of securing a date, I have no respect for you.
Comment by Rev. J. Reed Braden — 15 June 2009 @ 5:24 pm
Homosexuality is the opposite of diversity. ‘Gay marriage’ is called same-sex. Same (i.e. homo) is the opposite of diverse. In fact, homosexuality is diversity-intolerant, by definition. The opposite sex is always rejected by a homosexual person, without regard to the individual merit of that person, just because they are of a different gender.They dont agree
Sexy Ass Porn Ass or some else.Since there is zero gender diversity in any same-sex union, same-sex unions also contain zero gender equality. As a result, genders are sex-segregated into male and female dominated institutions.
Comment by jojo — 13 December 2009 @ 9:04 am