The New Year’s Eve episode of Two Smokin’ Hot Freethinkers is packed full of fantastic, fun-loving Atheists and skeptics: Phil Plait, PZ Myers, Rebecca Watson, Hemant Mehta and more!
Check it out! (Or try the edited version if words like bitch, fuck and suckling offend you)
This year I resolve to refrain from covering any news about Sarah Palin. She’s too easy of a target and I need to work on improving my wit. Taking the easy hits isn’t going to help me improve.
Dan Barker and the Freedom From Religion Foundation are suing (again) to have “under god” removed from the Oath of Office and the invocation prayer as well.
I actually like the concept of both.
The final phrase of the Oath of Office does go back in our history. It goeas all the way back to third grade.
“I saw Suzie kissing Debbie behind the sandbox.”
“Nuh uh!”
“I swear I did! Cross my heart and hope to die!”
“Stick a needle in your eye?”
“Both eyes!”
If the thing the President-Elect most fears is the wrath of a divine dictator, swearing in on that dictator’s name (as imagined as he is) is a powerful statement that the person doing the swearing is telling the absolute truth. It’s much easier to believe that a person is not lying when he swears upon what means the most to him. Whether that be god, the Constitution or the mob, it makes a strong statement. It shouldn’t have to be god, but it doesn’t have to be. It’s the President-Elect’s choice. So what’s the big deal? They aren’t making anyone say it but the person who requested to say it.
As much as I don’t like Rick Warren being invited to do the invocation, I have no problem with the concept of an invocation. While the invocation has historically been a prayer, it doesn’t have to be. The invocation is simply a time where the President-Elect can invite someone to say something that he/she finds meaningful. You can have an Evangelical scum bucket read a disingenuous prayer or you can have James Earl Jones read a limerick. Even though it’s been used as an excuse to put more religion into the event, it doesn’t have to be that. Again, that is entirely the choice of the President-Elect. Let the Christians have their prayer. Since they set the tradition of having the invocation be a representation of the President-Elect’s religious beliefs, they will be sorely surprised when a Jew, Atheist, Muslim, etc. takes office for the first time since the traditional invocation was began (there were Atheists before that).
Have a happy and safe New Year, everyone.
Anyone who 1) reads Homosecular Gaytheist or listens to Two Smokin’ Hot Freethinkers, 2) has Skype and 3) wants to wish The Listener a happy new year on the Two Smokin’ Hot Freethinkers podcast, send me a PM on Skype (handle: reedbraden) and I’ll record your greeting.
According to The Advocate, whose obituary was far too generous, Christine Maggiore died today at the age of 52.
Christine Maggiore was HIV+ and wrote a book called What if Everything You Thought You Knew About AIDS Was Wrong. She spent her life convincing HIV+ people not to take their medication, to live life as if they didn’t have the disease and to deny that HIV causes AIDS.
She believed that “natural” remedies can cure AIDS and that prescribed medicines, such as AZT, are more toxic to the human body than their potential to help.
She founded a group called Alive & Well AIDS Alternatives that preaches this anti-science gospel to sick people and organises group meetings and events to recruit victims of the disease to be new victims of Maggiore’s venom.
Her group’s website bitches and moans about “orthodox Western medicine” and questions the validity of doctor-administered AIDS and HIV tests. They also insist that AIDS is not that big of a problem in Africa and most of the diagnosed victims are either lying or deceived by inaccurate tests.
Christine Maggiore refused to take drugs when she was pregnant with her daughter and she breast-fed her, despite her disease. Her daughter died at the age of three from pneumonia exacerbated by untreated AIDS.
Christine and her followers insist that the L.A. Coroner’s Office should not be trusted and that the girl died of an amoxycillin allergy. They should all be slapped, repeatedly in the face.
Her son and husband reportedly do not have AIDS, and so many morons will view that as a success story and, in this age of alternative medicine woo, her book will soon skyrocket in popularity and the AIDS epidemic will consume our society, crumbling it to its knees.
But, hey, look on the bright side… oh… there isn’t one.
2008 was a big year for douche nozzles. We had the final year of President George W. Douchenozzle Bush’s Presidency. We had John Douchenozzle McCain and his running mate Sarah Douchenozzle Palin. The Mormon Church reared its douche-nozzley head in the fight over gay marriage. Elliot Spitzer and Rod Blagojevich showed their true douche nozzle colours. Ann Coulter, Michelle Malkin and Bill O’Reilly have their usual spots in the nominee list for Douche Nozzle of the Year.
However, the winner of Douche Nozzle of the Year goes to Corey Worthington, sometimes called Corey Delaney:
“I’ll say I’m sorry, but I’m not taking off my glasses.” Congratulations, Corey, you are 2008’s Douche Nozzle of the Year.
While we’re talking about the douche nozzles of 2008, it would be remiss of me not to mention Gradual Report’s White House adventure this year:
I haven’t published much, but I’ve been busy with my new terrible, horrible fucking job. I quit today because of some bullshit. I’ll tell you about it when I sober up… maybe in a week or so.
I never realised how much alcohol was in this apartment until the Annual Post-Christmas Gettin’ Drunk Night.
This is the second time I’ve accidentally published a podcast episode to the wrong blog. Whoops.
It’s a shortie.
By Dick
Researchers Revisit Male Bisexuality
It’s been sixty years since Kinsey published his investigations into human sexuality, and yet there is still this false dichotomy of men being “either gay or straight.” Kinsey thought that culture was a strong influence on sexual experience: That our culture required men to be manly, and un-womanlike, and thus straight; while the slow expansion of women’s rights gave women more of a choice.
Examining my own attitudes, it makes sense. Any man who admits to same-sex experiences is typically categorized as gay, and “being gay” is typically associated with the effeminate-promiscuous-shallow-metrosexual/lumberjack subculture. Which I loathe. When a woman admits to a same-sex experience, though, it doesn’t even give me pause. Hell, I’d be more taken aback if a woman admitted to NO same-sex attractions!
Graphs after the fold:
(more…)
You better watch out;
You better not cry!
He’s making a list;
He’s checking it twice!
He’s sees you when you’re sleeping;
He knows when you’re awake!
He’s murdering his inlaws;
He’s burning their place!
Santa Claus is coming to town!
(Looks like Santa decided to test the toys on my list out.)
This has nothing to do with anything, but the World Anti-Doping Agency is looking at the possibility of banning Viagra as a performance-enhancing drug for Athletes. Performance-enhancing… heh heh heh.
When George Downey and other lacrosse players at Marywood University volunteered to take Viagra for a study, he received a snickering nickname from his high school coach. His parents jokingly told their friends. Inquiring minds sent messages to his Facebook page.
“They’re making fun of me,” Downey, 19, said good-naturedly. “Deep down, I think they’re looking for tips.”
Except that the Marywood study does not involve the bedroom, but the playing field. It is being financed by the World Anti-Doping Agency, which is investigating whether the diamond-shaped blue pills create an unfair competitive advantage in dilating an athlete’s blood vessels and unduly increasing oxygen-carrying capacity. If so, the agency could ban the drug.
It certainly helps the pole-vaulters! Boo yah!
I watch and own a lot of porn. The majority of it is pretty much the run-of-the-mill gay porn you’ll find anywhere. Some of it (in my “special occasions” folder) is much harder than most people enjoy. There are very few positions and kinks in my porn collection that I haven’t tried myself at least once. There is one, however, that is so pervasive in gay porn that most porn watchers don’t even recognise when it happens, yet it’s so self-abusive that I have to turn off my computer and take a cold shower whenever I see it. It’s so disturbing that I can’t wrap my mind around it. Do people actually get off to this? Of course, I’m talking about gay men trying to be Christians.
You probably don't even know how to use those Rosary beads. Put them down and pick up that other string of beads. Those are much more your style.
Stop it, pornboy. You’re hurting yourself much worse than those paddles and giant novelty dildos ever could.
I see it so often in gay porn, but in the few instances where I’ve watched straight porn (flaccidly), I haven’t noticed it at all, but my experience with straight porn is admittedly much less. Gay porn stars wear a lot of cross necklaces and have a lot of cross and Jesus fish tattoos. I saw a video a while back where the pitcher had a large cross tattooed on his shoulder and the catcher had an entire Psalm in large, bawdy script on his back.
WHY? Is this a fashion statement? Are they trying to be ironic?
Christians do not like gay people. Even those liars (Rick Warren) who say that they, “love gay people,” hate gay sex. These people lie awake at night frightened and praying if they so much as think that the spinster next door has a lady friend over for the night. Much worse, these hypocrites, who get off to images much worse than any porn fetish I’ve yet to see, decry the porn industry and relate it to almost every perceived evil in this world. Abortion numbers are too high? It must be porn. STDs are becoming more and more prominent in the middle and high schools? It can’t be our Good Christian™ abstinence-only education… it must be porn! Church attendance is dropping? It must be that people are staying home and jacking off to porn!!!
Christians hate porn and Christians hate bum-bum sex. Why would a person who gets paid to have bum-bum sex while being filmed for a porno be advertising the religion of those who would rather him be celibate and jobless?
I was just over at Skepchick and I saw this clip of the Sesame Street Christmas Special. I almost pooped during the opening credits when I saw this:
Obama’s top advisor, David Axelrod wrote the song “I Hate Christmas”. Someone needs to warn Bill O’Reilly immediately! Sure, there’s another David Axelrod who is twenty years older than Obama’s David Axelrod and he wrote music for films back when this special was released, but that’s just a silly little fact that could get in the way of the real news: Obama hates Christmas!!! OMGZ!!!!
(And the screenshot is misspelled no matter which David Axelrod you’re talking about.)
Today, I wish all of my readers from every nation, every religion (or lack thereof) and every political stance on this planet a very Happy Monkey.
Gloria in excelsis Pongo!
Here’s a special episode of the Two Smokin’ Hot Freethinkers Podcast to brighten your Christmas eve.
Rob Johnson from The Roanoke Times printed an article about nonbelievers at Christmas time. I was interviewed but none of my quotes were used. I think I was far younger, happier and knew much more about the origins of the holiday than they wanted their portrait of Atheists to be.
And then they found one of the most conservative lunatic pastors in the entire area to give a quote about Atheists. A quote that made just about as much sense as unicorn testicles in a blender with toast.
It’s not the best article in the world, but it’s a start.
Nonbelievers go through the motions
The religious and consumer nature of the holidays can be irksome for atheists, though some concessions are made in the spirit of the season.
By Rob Johnson
981-3234Photos by Sam Dean | The Roanoke Times
[photo missing]
Robert Boyd enjoys hearing from friends who send Christmas cards. Most know him well enough not to send greetings with religious themes.
[photo missing]
Jerry Schleifer, an 82-year-old atheist, considers which gift cards to buy at a Roanoke-area Kroger grocery store. His children and grandchildren expect presents around the holidays, so he buys the gift cards without acknowledging that they’re Christmas gifts.
Jerry Schleifer wishes the Grinch would steal Christmas and never bring it back. “The whole thing is a farce,” he said.
The holiday season is an annual reminder to the Southwest Roanoke County grandfather that he is part of a distinct minority of unabashed nonbelievers in this country.
According to a poll earlier this year by the Pew Forum on Religion and Public Life, one in 20 Americans is an avowed atheist. That proportion is likely even smaller in Bible Belt areas such as Southwest Virginia.
For such people, the December holidays can be a tortuous gauntlet. Schleifer, 82, tries to avoid shopping, even for personal necessities. “I buy sweaters in the summer,” he said.
Still, his children and grandchildren expect presents, so he goes to Kroger to purchase gift cards for various chain stores — without acknowledging that they’re Christmas gifts. “They’re just presents,” he insisted.
Atheists often keep to themselves at this “Most Wonderful Time of the Year.” Robert Boyd, a retired college science professor who lives in Daleville, said that during the Christmas holidays, he and his wife, also an atheist, “just stay home.” They put up a small Christmas tree. “It’s just a decoration, that’s all,” he said.
While such remarks dismay Christians, Schleifer and Boyd are part of an atheist genre far less activist than the likes of Madalyn Murray O’Hair, the atheist whose lawsuit led to a Supreme Court ruling that ended the practice of daily prayer in public schools. In 1964, Life magazine called her “the most hated woman in America.”
In sharp contrast, Scott Mange, a medical physicist in Salem, just wants to get through the celebration of Jesus’ birthday quietly and without his second-grade daughter and kindergarten son being exposed to the Bible’s account of drama in Bethlehem. “We don’t tell our children the story of baby Jesus. We’ve also told them the truth about Santa Claus,” Mange said.
Raised in a Catholic home, Mange grew away from the church in his late teens when “I decided that it was all made-up stuff.”
Still, he doesn’t want to offend the faithful, and that caused some awkward moments in early December when a co-worker at his office made ceramic angels as Christmas tree ornaments for her colleagues. But she didn’t give one to Mange, having heard that he is an atheist. “She avoided me,” he said.
Yet after seeing one of the angels on a co-worker’s desk, Mange said, he took a liking to the little statuette and asked the associate if she had one left.
“The thing that really got me was that she was willing to consider how a nonbeliever felt. That was nice,” said Mange, 43.
He took the angel home, where the family has a Christmas tree, but he hasn’t placed the figure among the other decorations. That would violate his policy against religious decorations on their tree.
Still, “I’d kind of like to put it on the tree” because of the warm spirit in which the angel was given, he said.
While conflicted, he said he won’t give in to sentimentality that tacitly endorses religion. “I’ve heard it said that the saddest person in the world is the atheist who wants to say thanks to God for something like a sunset, but he can’t because he knows no one is listening.”
That’s sort of how Mange feels about Christmas, he said: “I can’t fool myself.”
The Rev. Myron Atkinson of Penn Forest Worship Center has been thinking about atheists lately. He recently put the following anonymous saying on a sign in front of the church: “The atheist cannot find God for the same reason a thief cannot find a policeman.”
Atkinson said he hoped the sign would be especially thought-provoking during the Christmas season. “As a pastor, you’re supposed to think about all people, including those who don’t believe in God or are running away from him. I would imagine the holidays are very challenging for them.”
Schleifer, who grew up in a Jewish home and got married in a Presbyterian church, is avoiding the memories and magnetism of both Christmas and Hanukkah. The retired owner of a Miami camera shop grew up in a Jewish household and attended synagogue regularly.
At age 26, he married for the first time — to a Presbyterian — and became active in her denomination. He even taught Sunday school for about a decade. “I became a deacon and an elder. It’s a strange thing. You want to believe, and after a while you get caught up in it,” Schleifer said.
But he stopped going to church and believing altogether in his mid-40s. His first wife, whom he was still in love with, divorced him largely over his refusal to continue participating in organized religion. “I said, ‘Listen, I’d be a hypocrite to go. I don’t believe it anymore.’ I tried to talk to her, but she wouldn’t talk.”
Today, he somewhat grudgingly send gifts each December to his three grandsons in Oklahoma. He feels pressured to buy for them. “This is the big problem with Christmas: People expect gifts,” Schleifer said, “It’s not from the heart.”
He makes another concession to the season: phoning or writing to old friends. “There are people who are special to you. It’s the time of year when it’s conducive to contacting them,” Schleifer said. His approach is, “I want you to know I’m thinking of you, but not in a spiritual sense.”
And Schleifer views much of the hustle and bustle surrounding Christmas as more commercial than spiritual anyway. “The true Christmas spirit is destroyed by all this emphasis on buying gifts. I think if Christ actually did come back to Earth and looked around, he would shudder at what’s being done in his name.”
Yet atheists such as Boyd do find a certain solace in the secular entertainment of the season. For example, Boyd enjoys watching old movies such as “It’s a Wonderful Life” and “Miracle on 34th Street.” He said, “I enjoy them because I see a lot of good happening within the framework of the movie.”
He still enjoys hearing from friends who send Christmas cards. Most know him well enough not to send greetings with religious themes, although he still receives the occasional depiction of wise men following a star. But he doesn’t interpret those as deliberate attempts to convince him that Christmas is holy.
So do they offend him? Boyd answered by invoking a realm in which he professes disbelief: “Oh heavens no.”
Rob, this article is a start. It at least keeps the theists from forgetting that Atheists exist this time of year, but can we please stop this caricature of Atheists being grumpy octogenarians who became Atheists more as a “fuck you” to God and not as a rational dismissal of the concept? Can you not try to find at least one Atheist who makes the cause look good?
And stop interviewing lunatic pastors about Atheists. Moron Atkinson is a bigoted douche nozzle of the highest caliber. He uses his church’s spacious front lawn as a vehicle for political signs, which is illegal. (Remember the “Yes on Marriage” posters? The yellow ones the size of a minivan?) I’ve attended several services at that church and the man is a starry-eyed lunatic whose utopian view is one where Jesus lives in the Oval Office and the rest of the world is either paved over or flies the American flag. These dick sores wouldn’t know an Atheist if one played the organ in their church every week (and I know more than one of them). You don’t have an Atheist’s opinion in every (or any) article about church shit, so why do you need a pastor’s opinion in your article about Atheism?
It’s a step in the right direction, but you have a long, long way to go.
Maybe I’m being too hard on you because you’re local and I try my damnedest to make Roanoke look decent on the Internet, but if I was an editor, I wouldn’t consider this for print. A report on a large group of people cannot be done right when you only report on the two oldest members.
Today, I offer forgiveness to George Lucas for Howard the Duck and the Star Wars Holiday Special.
Danny Grozdich of Gradual Report has a message for all of my readers. Technically, it’s not to the readers of Homosecular Gaytheist (and friends!), but I’d say it applies to most of you.
I started Homosecular Gaytheist in April of this year after retiring my former blog Unorthodox Atheism. In those nine months, Homosecular Gaytheist has been visited over 70,000 times, the writing staff has grown from one author to six and 500 posts were published, this one being #500.
To celebrate the 500th post, I figured I’d go back into the archives and pull out a few of my favourite old posts again.
My favourite all-time post was a skit written by Ben R. Williams and performed by Ben R. Williams and myself at No Shame Theatre in April: Dr. Walter Suglow: Lunar Scientist (or Win Ben Stein’s Credibility).
One of my most under-appreciated, but still one of my personal favourite posts this year was my incredibly homosexual disembowelling of Soprano Carter Scott: Atheist’s Requiem.
Another good one is a two-parter in support of McDonalds’ anti-harassment policies: McDonalds = Fag Enabler? and Traditional McValues Coalition is afraid of McTrannies.
I went into the Malkin vs. Ray story with no idea who either woman was, but after writing the post I fell in love with Rachel Ray and I fell in love with hating Michelle Malkin: Paisley Scarf = OMG! TERRORZ!!!
My three favourite new blogs of 2008 are: The Daily Profaner, Separate Spectrum, and the short-lived and much-missed Jettboy’s Rough-and-Tumble, Two-Fisted Adventures in Everyday Reality.
Oh… and before I forget: As promised, here’s the gift you guys wanted. You’re all perverts. Every single one of you. Especially you, Fiery.
It’s after the fold. If you’re related to me, you know me personally or you have a weak stomach, don’t continue reading.
A local Baptist church is producing a Christmas show of secular holiday music.
I don’t really have anything interesting to add to the article, but it’s an interesting read, so just sit back and watch the Christians fight among themselves. The War on Christmas is being fought without us.
 | KENNETH W. LITTRELL on Fuck VA Gov. Tim Kaine |
 | joet on God Hates WBC? |
 | keziah on Believercise |
| Anonymous on Fuck VA Gov. Tim Kaine |
 | James the Rude on Gaytheists.org |
