Bob Goodlatte’s Obamicon

Obamicon.me

I Found Religion.

So, what do you get when you combine 2 Lbs. of sausage with 2 Lbs. of bacon and sprinkle on an unhealthy amount of self-abuse?

Two words: Bacon Explosion.

It’s called that because it’s made with bacon and, in rare instances, has been known to cause coronary nuclear explosions in test subjects.

This would be a great addition to my next Luther party.

I’ve Been Obamiconned

Obamicon.me

Trips I Want To Take

Unrealistic trips I want to take in my life:

• Drive 4,911 mi from Miami, FL to Fairbanks, AK, as far North as continuous marked roads go

 

• Drive 3,365 mi from Boston, MA to Newport, OR via U.S. Route 20

• Walk and hitchhike 3,135 mi from Bangor, ME to San Diego, CA

• “Hobo-ride” coal and freight trains from Roanoke, VA to wherever they take me

I said they were completely unrealistic, but if I ever have a surplus of money and time, I don’t see why I shouldn’t try one of these.

Ahh, To Be A Diva

This has nothing to do with anything, but my respect for Patti LuPone just went through the roof.

In a recent performance of Gypsy, Patti LuPone stopped one of the show’s signature songs to yell at a man illegally photographing the show.  Some people in the theatre community are calling her a bitch (a compliment to most divas) and saying she went too far with this one, but I think she did the right thing.

Actors Equity prohibits photography during equity shows and requires announcements before the show and during the intermission that photography is not allowed.  As photography is a distraction to the actors and an irritant to the paying audience and bootlegging hurts the theatre financially, it is the duty of the cast and crew to stop the show and not allow illegal recording during the show.  I admire Patti for having the chutzpah to do what she did.

Somewhat-ironically, this audio clip of her rant against illegal photography is from an illegal bootleg recording.  >.<

New Troll

This one is just too funny not to comment on.

It appears a new troll is popping up in my comments.  His blog is called I Am Intellegently Designed.

The word “Intellegently” should be spelled “Intelligently”.  He misspelled it in his blog title and his URL, so I guess he’s pretty much stuck with it.  Oops.

Oh… and this is his About page:

This blog is ment to give me an outlet to voice my opinion on the sugjects of God, the Bible, and Christian science. I believe in the inspired, inarrant and infalliable word of God. I also believe that modern science confirms this.

“Ment” should be “meant”.
“Sugjects” should be “subjects”.
“Inarrant” should be “inerrant”.
“Infalliable” should be “infallible”.
“Confirms” should be “disproves”.

Where Can I Find My Local Bible?

My friend told me about this guy who preached to her outside of her art class in college and gave her the url to his Flickr stream.

On a photo of Arlington Cemetery:

10 out of 10 people die.

If you’ve ever lied, stolen, blasphemed or looked at someone with sexual desire, you’re guilty before God, and you will face Him when you die whether you believe in Him or not, so I beseech you to consult your local Bible and get right with God before it is too late.

My local Bible?  I’m pretty sure there are more Bibles than there are Christians in Roanoke, if you count all of the pew Bibles and unsold Bibles in bookstores.  Is there one Bible that’s above the rest and is considered the Local Bible?  Where is this massive public Bible?

Google Maps turned up no such thing as Local Bible in Roanoke.

Bonus points:  The loon has pictures of himself standing with Kirk Cameron and Ray Comfort.

Extra bonus points:  He has a picture of the severely butchered, “The God who gave us life gave us liberty,” quote from Thomas Jefferson in the Jefferson Memorial on his photo stream and laments, “Why do our leaders not realize the same truths today? We are so depraved as a people. This once great country is now under God’s Judgment.”

This is the same Thomas Jefferson who said,

“Millions of innocent men, women, and children, since the introduction of Christianity, have been burnt, tortured, fined, and imprisoned; yet we have not advanced one inch toward uniformity. What has been the effect of coercion? To make one-half the world fools and the other half hypocrites. To support roguery and error all over the earth,”

and,

“Christianity neither is, nor ever was, a part of the common law,”

and,

“The clergy, wishing to establish their particular form of Christianity, believe that any portion of power confided to me will be exerted in opposition to their schemes. And they believe rightly: for I have sworn upon the altar of god [lowercase g in original letter], eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man. But this is all they have to fear from me: and enough, too, in their opinion,”

and,

“Fix reason firmly in her seat, and call to her tribunal every fact, every opinion. Question with boldness even the existence of a god; because, if there be one, he must approve the homage of reason rather than of blind-folded fear. Do not be frightened from this inquiry by any fear of its consequences…. If it end in a belief that there is no god, you will find incitements to virtue in the comfort and pleasantness you feel in its exercise and in the love of others it will procure for you,”

and took a razor blade to his Bible to cut out all of the bullshit.

Hey, CJK4Christ, President Jefferson, the Deist, didn’t mean your god!

I might ask the same thing:  Why doesn’t today’s government realise the same truths apply today?  The truths that this is NOT a Christian nation, that Christianity is NOT part of our law and that the President has a duty to protect our secular government from unwanted Christian influence.  Why are our leaders and depraved people like CJK4Christ forgetting that these truths still apply?

---

I shouldn’t have to say this, but in linking to this poor sap’s Flickr page, I am potentially opening a door to dickery on an unsuspecting kid who is probably a nice guy in real life, even if he does idolise The Banana King.  Don’t jump onto his page and be a dick.  You’re Homosecular Gaytheist readers and you’re better than that.  I’m looking at you, Fiery.

Words That Begin With S

My girlfriend and I used the A/V closet in the church’s youth centre to saddleback each other, but we accidentally got santorum all over the digital projector.  So that’s why we can’t watch the Left Behind movie with Kirk Cameron this week.

H/T: Friendly Atheist

On Mismanaged Media Reporting

There is a new name to add to the list of “Things That Must Be Stopped For Mankind to Flourish”. I would place her squarely between Glenn Beck and Ann Coulter. Her name is Nancy Grace. Nancy Grace is a former Georgia prosecutor-turned-TV host, who makes a living skewering the facts and pouring on the bias, with a dash of idiotic commentary. Normally, small-time cuntery like this doesn’t raise enough ire in me to actually get pissed off, but after being exposed to nightly indoctrinations of the “facts” (and I use the term loosely) as Nancy sees them, I feel something must be said. The current level of idiocy on her show arose because of the Caylee Anthony murder case in Florida. For those unfamiliar with the events, Casey Anthony is charged with the murder of her 2-year-old daughter Caylee, following evidence that suggested she had been researching methods of making chloroform, and that she waited one month before filing a missing persons report. Ms. Grace’s nightly hourly tirade into this, and other cases involving missing or killed children, seems to imply that she views herself as judge, jury, and executioner, and that in such capacities, the journalistic respect usually afforded to any person involved in any story seems to have dissapeared. Not once during the course of the discussion does she refer to, or allow her guests to refer to, the accused party as “Casey”, “Ms. Anthony” or a combination of the two. It is simply “Totmom”. The largest portion of her show consists of armchair detectives who know less about the facts of the case than she does, calling her with wild speculations, unfounded accusations, or simply idiotic statements. Regardless of whatever evidence may or may not be stacked against Ms. Anthony, it is my opinion that because of shows like this, she will not find a fair, unbiased jury, anywhere in the country. This will lead either to her biased conviction based on media presentation instead of fact, or worse, if she is truly guilty, her release based on the declaration of mistrial due to a lack of an impartial jury. This is my plea, to any and all members of the media: If you call yourself a reporter, a journalist, a newsperson, anchor, or anything of the sort, please, stick to the news that affects the city, state, or country that makes up your audience, do not propogate unfounded rumors, personal opinion or ideas and declare them as legal fact.

Fucking Read

I have always been a fierce advocate of reading.  The best advice I could give any kid is this:  Read everything you can get your hands on.  It’s no surprise that a wordle of my previous post directed to a child whose mother is trying to censor what he can and cannot read came out looking like this:

Fucking Read!

That’s my advice in a nutshell:  Fucking read!

Interestingly enough, my fascination with literature was sparked by a former nun who taught my grade seven English class at Roanoke Catholic School.  (And the person who started me on the path to Atheism by taking my mild interest in religious history and moulding it into a healthy scepticism about the claims of different religions was also a former nun who taught me at Catholic school.)  Our class was reading Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë.  About twenty pages in, I went to my teacher after class and said, “This is the most dismal book I’ve ever read.  If I read something more difficult than this and do my report on that, can I still receive full credit?”  She agreed and, out of her dislike of the new Baptist kid, she assigned The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoevsky, expecting me to say no when I saw her copy of the gigantic novel and leave, defeated.  She underestimated my stubbornness.  I finished it in half the time it took the class to finish Brontë’s garbage and got one of the only two 100% scores in the class on my report.

I pulled that stunt again in my sophomore year of high school with Chinua Achebe’s terrible Things Fall Apart.  (“Okinawa played his flute.  Okinawa played his flute well.  The villagers loved when Okinawa played his flute.  The villagers did not like when Chinua Achebe failed to learn what pronouns were.”  Or some garbage like that.)  Instead, I read Roots by Alex Haley (about ten times the length of Achebe’s incomprehensible drivel) and finished it a day before the class finished Things Fall Apart.  Again, I got an A from another teacher who hated me.

Challenge those who call themselves your “superiors” while, at the same time, challenging yourself.  And read, goddammit!  Fucking read!

This blog is kid-friendly. It’s not overbearing-mother-friendly.

I got an email from a woman named Alissa Niceheart*. (Please tell me that’s a pseudonym.)

I am deeply upset with you and your language. I found your radio show on my son’s ipod and what I heard upset me. You and your friends toilet humor should not be broadcast anywhere even on the internet. It is not for young ears! Or any ears!

When I went to your sight I found your other sight about gay atheism and my son told me he has read that too. I am so upset that I am going to have to buy a program to keep my son off of sights like yours.

I ask that you reconsider your life. Your religion and your homosexuality are quite disturbing enough without you cussing so much! Do you feel you have to cuss to get attention? You need to go to your nearest Christian Church and learn how to pray. And stop cussing! You are no role model!

Sincerely,

A worried mother

I get the feeling she’s upset.

Oh… and by, “radio show,” she means podcast:  Two Smokin’ Hot Freethinkers.

I’ve had dozens, if not hundreds, of angry emails, many of which are very threatening, but I think this is the first one I’ve ever gotten that made me laugh so hard or pity so much.  I laugh at the mother’s stupidity, but pity her poor son.

Son, if you’re still reading this blog, more power to you.  Here’s a quote from Stephen King that I take to heart:

“Run, don’t walk, to the first library you can find and read what they’re trying to keep out of your eyes. Read what they’re trying to keep out of your brains. Because that’s exactly what you need to know.” – Stephen King

Read my blog.  Read other Atheist, sceptical and freethinking blogs.  Be sceptical when you’re forced to go to church.  Take notes in church and refute the pastor’s claims.  Even if you have no one to share them with, write down your arguments.  Read banned books.  Read controversial books.  Read books your parents don’t allow.

When and if your mother gets her programme to block sites she doesn’t like, find ways around it.  Use the Internet at your public library.  Use the Internet at a friend’s house.  Try to figure out their password.  Try to find ways of temporarily shutting down the programme.  It might be as easy as Alt+F4 or Ctrl+Alt+Del>>Processes>>End Process.  Don’t let your parents censor what you read, listen to or watch.

As for your mom’s stance on “cussing,” don’t “cuss” in her house if she doesn’t want you too.  When I visit my grandparents (my parents have loosened up a lot on language), nothing worse than “crap” comes out of my mouth.

Mom, I know you’re trying to “protect” your kid, but what you’re really doing is depriving him of so much of our culture.  I can understand not letting him watch the Friar’s Club roast of Bob Saget until he’s at least in high school, but to block out world views that he’s interested in learning about is unfair to him.  Just because he wants to learn what Atheists or gay people are saying doesn’t mean he is going to become an Atheist or that he is gay.  I started researching world religions and spiritual beliefs when I was in late elementary school, and I didn’t turn out to be any of those (obviously)!  Let your child learn all he can about our world.  To deny him that is nothing short of abusive.

And if he learns all the dirty words early on, they won’t be nearly as “cool” and “exotic” when his peers start learning them.  If the words aren’t taboo and mysterious to him, he has no reason to use them inappropriately.

* Her email address is alissaniceheartXXX@XXXX.com, so I can assume.

See?  I did that whole thing without “cussing”!  I’m so proud.  Now, without further ado, the whole thing again… WITH PROFANE LANGUAGE!

Scott Adams is an Idiot

Scott Adams, creator of Dilbert, needs to stick to quirky office humour.  He’s not a scientist, but on his blog, he regularly makes scientific claims backed up by, “It only feels right.”

His latest post attempts to define life as:

1. Potential to feel pain.
2. Potential to learn.

Okay… that sounds nice and fuzzy and woo-woo, but there are many major problems with that definition, first and foremost the fact that it’s an entirely uneducated ejaculation from a professional doodler.

Scott hits on two other problems as well:

One thorny issue is that life would begin at conception by this definition. It would be a separate argument as to whether the woman carrying the life has a right to terminate it while it is still in the early potential phase.

My definition keeps a virus from being considered life. And plants too, I think. That feels right. I don’t think lettuce needs to be “alive” any more than my watch.

His first problem, the abortion issue, is quite wrong.  His argument against his argument is flawed.  Foetuses can’t feel pain until they form a central nervous system.  This most certainly does not happen at conception.  Also, they can’t learn until their central nervous system is at a certain age of development.

Scott says that his definition keeps plants from being alive, and since he’s a strident vegan activist, this makes him more comfortable.  However, plants are living creatures.  Through most of the evolution of life there were only plants and plant-like organisms.

Scott, stick to your doodles and leave the science to the scientists.

Christians Oppose Anti-Bullying Week

An awareness week is coming up to prevent barbarism in school.  Of course the Christians are up in arms about this, since they’re the ones teaching their kids to be barbaric.

Here are a few quotes from the latest trash from Linda Harvey of Mission America (Google them if you want the full article.  I won’t be linking it here.)

But is respect for Christians part of these “no name- calling” lessons? Or does this effort in reality create more division by labeling and stereotyping objections to homosexuality?

No, dear, labelling the different types of hatred your children are spewing is the first step to solving that hatred.  And, yes, it is hatred.  You can call it pity or hope or go full-out double-speak and call it love, as so many Christians are wont to do, but it’s hatred.  Even if you hold to the smarmy and dishonest, “Love the sinner, hate the sin,” bullshit, it’s still hatred.  You don’t hate the actual bag of flesh, you just hate who that bag of flesh is.  And that’s hatred.  You can’t object to homosexuality and not hate homosexuality, just as you can’t object to Jews or blacks or Mexicans without hating Jews or blacks or Mexicans to some extent.

And as to why there are no “Respecting Christianity 101″ lessons on the agenda:  It’s entirely unnecessary.  Christians are the overwhelming majority of almost every school in the nation!  There are so few non-Christians in the school and so few of those non-Christians actively hate Christians, that such a course presented to an entire school of 500 students might apply to only one student.  And that student isn’t going to listen anyway.

The labels are “homophobia,” or “hate,” or claiming that opposing cross-dressing is “heterosexism.”

Actually, heterosexism is a term meaning the idea that heterosexuality is the natural position of all people and homosexuality is a deviation from that natural position.  “Opposing” (hating) transvestites would be included in that umbrella only if the transvestite was a homosexual.  “Opposing” heterosexual Eddie Izzard, for example, would not be a case of heterosexism.  Please get the terms that apply to you right.

And, yes, opposition to homosexuality is hate (see above) and homophobia.  Homophobia, contrary to what the name suggests, is not only a fear of homosexuals and homosexuality.  It is also an aversion to or discrimination against homosexuality.  You have an aversion to homosexuality and, as such, you discriminate against homosexuals.  You are a homophobe.

Thousands of us are highly offended because it’s not true. I know my own heart and there’s no hate there; there is in fact, grave concern for these kids, lots of prayers, etc.

It is true and you don’t realise it.  That only makes it worse.  When you tell a homosexual that he needs to change out of fear of hell and that you’ll pray for this to happen, you don’t realise how insulting that is to homosexuals.

Imagine your indignation if a Muslim approached you and told you that you need to give up your lifestyle or go to Hell and that he will pray for you to convert to Islam.  You would be offended and you would probably write some racist tirade on your idiotic website.

Yet I and others will never change our minds about homosexuality, because we know the truth. I used to approve of homosexuality but changed my mind when I got more information, not less.

There’s only so much information in the Bible against homosexuality.  Three verses.  Any “information” you got against homosexuality came from those three identical Bible verses.  You’re learning more and more about less and less.

And you know nothing.  You think you know the truth.  You don’t.  You’re an arrogant dipshit with far too much self-confidence.

The truth is, homosexuality itself is hateful.

Some homosexuals are hateful.  Just as some heterosexuals are hateful.  To leak a secret from our secret agenda, homosexuality is actually not about hating heterosexuals.  It’s mostly about buttsex.  And loving relationships.  And buttsex.

It is a dead-end affection, fruitless, never creating new life.

Careful, girl, you’re treading on very thin ice with this shitty argument.  Is a relationship between infertile people hateful and “a dead-end affection”?  They can’t produce babies either.  Infertile and homosexual couples have the option (where allowed) to adopt children and they can still raise and love their adopted children as much or more than any breeding couple can.

“Gay” student clubs only add fuel to these raging internal fires, by dwelling on supposed discrimination while urging entry into the behavior. The enemy? Traditionalists— students, teachers, parents-— who know how harmful homosexuality is.

Again with this “knowing” shit!

The only reason homosexuality is more harmful than heterosexuality is because open homosexual students are a target for violence and bullying from Christian students.  The only danger I’ve ever felt from being a homosexual, and it happens frequently, to be quite honest, comes from threats from the Christian side.

And, as the founder of the Cave Spring High School GSA, I can attest that there was no rallying against Christians in the school.  Unlike the Christian clubs who would preach on school grounds that homosexuals and non-Christians were evil, GSAs actually follow school policies and don’t target other groups as enemies.  If we did, our clubs would be shut down.  As any religious club that preaches the same should be.

Unfortunately, there are many kids who are acting out homosexually who get bullied, and we in no way want to excuse this unkind and harmful behavior. But the solution is not to endorse homosexuality. Instead, we need to get counseling for these troubled kids to help end their self-destructive behavior,

Your plan to stop bullying of homosexuals is to get homosexual kids to stop being homosexuals?  Fine.  I’ll accept that if you’ll accept my plan.  You say you want to stop the non-existent bullying of Christians in the schools, well, we’ll have to counsel Christian kids and get them to stop being Christians.  That’s my plan.  If you’re unwilling to accept it, then I’m unwilling to accept yours.

at the same time schools should consistently punish all uncivil and unkind treatment by bullies.

Okay.  Linda, for your hate speech, you must spend three days in in-school suspension.

What causes more harm to kids—-bullying of students who believe mistakenly they were born homosexual, or homosexuality itself?

Trick question!  Neither.  Bullying of kids who are actually homosexuals causes the most harm.

Here’s what she thinks is bullying against Christians:

“Homophobe” = A slur that describes anyone who objects to homosexuality. Even expressing the “yuck” factor means you are a bigot. Repulsion is now a mental disorder.

If you saw a black person and said, “yuck,” no one would hesitate to call you a racist.  Why is it any different with homosexuals?

“Heterosexist”= A slur against traditional beliefs about gender and those who think authentic marriage is great, that sex change and homosexuality aren’t.

“Authentic marriage.”  I love the doublespeak there.  Why do you morons keep saying “traditional beliefs” are the best beliefs ever.  If we still held the beliefs of your religious tradition, you would be stoned to death for speaking up and writing this article, for a woman shall not teach a man.  I think that’s in 1 Timothy, but I could be wrong.  I’m rusty on my Epistles.

“Hateful”= A slur that deliberately misunderstands the opposing view. Saying no to homosexuality means you are evil, when the truth is, such warnings save lives.

How many lives have you saved, cunt?  You don’t save lives by telling gay kids that they are unnatural and going to Hell.  Some of those kids will try to change, fail at changing and kill themselves.  You know how I know?  I almost killed myself for that very reason when I was a sophomore in high school.  You can convince yourself that you’re helping these kids all you want, but the truth is that you’re wrong and your hate–and, yes, again, it is hate–is driving kids to suicide.  I hope you’re happy.

“Oppressor”= A slur that implies you are harming others by your ‘hateful’ attitudes. You are the problem-—not homosexuality.

See above.

She concludes with this garbage:

Please, folks, let’s wise up. Either go to your school with other parents and start fighting this nonsense today-—or remove your children. Home school them or put them in Christian schools.

You know what?  If you’re going to engrain hatred of homosexuals into your children so deeply that the prospect of not bullying them scares the shit out of them and you, take your children out of the schools.  The more hateful children you remove from the public schools, the easier it will be for LGBT students to get an education unimpeded by fear of their peers.

Linda, pull the gerbil out of your ass.  I can tell he’s been gnawing and it’s making you uncomfortable and bitter.

Thanks to Patrick (Cereal) of Separate Spectrum.

Where will we be in in 4 years?

Here are my predictions for January 2013.

• President Barack Obama will be inaugurated into his second term.
• Our 10.6-trillion dollar deficit ($10,618,718,703,374.78, 23 Jan) will be less than $5tril and working its way back to 0, thanks to Obama’s top priority of economic recovery.
• Gay couples will have the right to civil unions with equal rights as marriage, granted federally, and even though some states will fight this until Jesus comes home (meaning they won’t ever stop), gay civil unions will be granted and accepted as legal in all 50 states.  Then it’s not a far jump to marriage.
• Unemployment will cease to be a problem.  With as many new jobs that will be created through green industry and infrastructure development and repair, there will be more jobs than workers and employees will be able to demand more of their employers.
• As such, I will actually be able to get a job and I will either be able to afford an apartment where the landlord isn’t such a moron or I’ll be able to afford a hitman to take care of my landlord issues.  (Latest foible:  He owed me a cheque for $30 since December.  I finally got it today.)
• The Senate will be 60% Democrat, but the House will be 75% or more.  The Supreme Court will have two Obama appointees in place of Justices Kennedy and Stephens.  Scalia will stick around, kept alive by his bigotry.  We will discover that Scalia is 7,000 years old and one of the original sons of the Dark Lord.
• Federal law will make it easy for teenagers to get abortions without their parents being allowed to dictate how their daughter handles her own pregnancy.
• The arguments over medicinal marijuana, assisted suicide, abortion law, etc. will be handed over from politicians to doctors and scientists.
• Federal law will enact a basic science education standard for all students (public, private and home school) that includes the theory of evolution.  States will still be able to develop their own curriculum, but it must meet the federal minimum standard.
• Former prisoners of Guantanamo Bay will be brought back to their countries of origin and many of them will be bitter at the US and become terrorists.  However, the US will divert its defence funds from offensive forces to… you know… defence.
• The wars in Afghanistan and Iraq will be over.  We will use diplomacy, diplobamacy, and mind control to convince Ahmadinejad and Kim Jong Il to kill themselves.
• Coffee will be free and it will pour out of all public fountains.

Please don’t be a nay-saying dick.  I really want to believe this will all happen.

I Know a Guy…

I know a guy who honestly believes that the Antichrist is in the Obama administration.  Surprisingly, it’s not Barack who scares him.  It’s Rahm Emanuel.  That’s right:  he believes Barack Obama is some sort of certified “Satan’s Helper” to get Rahm Emanuel in office so he can take over the world.

Well, what would it take for Rahm Emanuel, the White House Chief of Staff, to become President?

According to the Hauenstein Centre for Presidential Studies, the line of succession for the President (Who gets to be President after the President is assassinated) is:

• vice president;
• speaker of the House (added because elected — thus in theory more accountable to citizens);
• president pro tem of the Senate (added for the same reason);
• secretary of state;
• other Cabinet secretaries in the order in which their departments were established, so treasury secretary; defense secretary; and so on down to the homeland security secretary, since he heads up the last department that was created.

So that’s Joe Biden, Nancy Pelosi, Robert Byrd, Hillary Clinton, Timothy Geithner*, Robert Gates, Eric Holder*, Ken Salazar, Tom Vilsack, [Insert Secretary of Commerce here]**, Hilda Solis*, Tom Daschle*, Shaun Donovan, Ray LaHood, Steven Chu, Arne Duncan, Eric Shinseki, and Janet Napolitano.

(* Not yet confirmed;  ** No one yet nominated)

Rahm Emanuel isn’t even on the list.  The only way Rahm could become President is if this list is exhausted before the top of the list (the then-President) can fill up the spots on the list that are missing.  So… a nuke.  If Washington is nuked and Rahm Emanuel is the only being to crawl out of the rubble, only then can Rahm Emanuel become President of the New World Order and do Antichrist-y things.

Where do these people find me?  And why do they insist on having sex with my friends?  Please, sir, think of the gene pool.  No sex for you.

Republicans Are Bratty Little Children

Currently the United States is without an Attorney General and will be for a week.

Yesterday, Senate Republicans put a hold on the confirmation of Attorney General Eric Holder in order to make sure he won’t prosecute the previous administration for torture and war crimes.

Can we arrest the Senate Republicans for obstruction of justice?

Portland Mayor Creepy McCreeperson Did Nothing to Warrant Forced Resignation

Portland Mayor Creepy McCreeperson admitted to having a sexual relationship with 18-year-old, awesomely-named Beau Breedlove.  He admits that their relationship began when Beau was 17 but that they waited to have sex until it was legal.  The relationship was consensual.  Nothing to see here, folks.  Move along.

But some people are outraged about this, calling for the mayor’s resignation.

Let me highlight the issue:

Porn guru Hugh Heffner has two 19-year-old girlfriends: Rock on!

Portland Mayor Creepy McCreeperson had an 18-year-old boyfriend: Ewww!  Buttsex?  Gross!  He has to resign!

It’s creepy, but it’s not illegal.  Even when you do the whole, “He lied about it,” Clinton thing, you come up short.  Politicians lie.  That’s what we hire them to do.  He didn’t lie under oath.  Move along, folks.  There’s really nothing here to see.

Sorry, Portland, you’re stuck with Mayor McCreeperson until his term is up.

Firefighter Sues Over Having to Protect Gays

And wins!

Nine firefighers refused to work at Pride Scotia in Glasgow in June 2006 where they were supposed to be distributing fire safety leaflets.

All the officers were given written warnings and ordered to undergo diversity training.

One claimed that his religious beliefs should excuse him from duty at a Pride event.

John Mitchell lost three internal appeals then went to an employment tribunal.

Before the tribunal was about to begin Strathclyde Fire and Rescue said: “We reached an agreement without the need to go to tribunal.”

As part of the settlement, Mr Mitchell is not allowed to discuss the case. The fire service has apologised and admitted they had failed to take account of his religious beliefs.

No! No! No! Religious beliefs should not be grounds for an employee not doing their job.  I’ve said this before about Muslims refusing to sell beer and Christians refusing to drive busses with Atheist adverts, but this is fucktons worse.  This man is a firefighter–a public servant whose job is save lives–who decided that homosexuals were not worthy of his protection.

And the fire service is apologising to him for making him do his job and protect everyone in the community… not just the straight ones.

The National Secular Society said that Strathclyde Fire and Rescue should have gone to tribunal.

“The case would have set an important precedent – that public service workers cannot pick and choose which section of the public they will and won’t serve,” said Terry Sanderson, president of the society.

“Although no life was threatened because this man refused to hand out safety leaflets, what if he, or his colleagues, now decide that they don’t want to deal with homosexuals at all?”

The Christian Institute, who claim “the Bible is the supreme authority for all of life” and regularly oppose equality for gay people, welcomed the decision.

“I am pleased for John that he has won his case,” said Institute spokesperson Mike Judge.

“He is a fireman, so we know he is courageous. It takes courage to seek justice against a tide of political correctness”

Actually, fireman or not, he sounds like a coward to me.  Brave people put aside the babblings of ancient doctrine to serve and protect all people, no matter how hated those people are.  There is nothing courageous in refusing to do your job on grounds of hatred and then suing on grounds of religion when you are disciplined.

R.I.P. Rick Astley

This just in: Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi brutally murdered butterfaced baritone Rick Astley.

Video evidence:

When Rick Astley himself Rick-Rolled the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, Rick-Rolling went to Costco to buy a top-quality (but way more affordable than those your local funeral home provides) casket and ordered brochures from Executive Director Joshua Slocum of the Funeral Consumers Alliance to determine the best way his meme brothers and sisters should handle his remains once he takes his inevitable dirt nap.

Now that Nancy Pelosi is trying her hand at the meme, it is long -dead.  Speaker Pelosi retroactively killed Rick-Rolling a week before she learned what it was (It makes sense if you study the history of when memes stop being cool.) and Rick-Rolling is now rotting in his box six feet under the topsoil.

Fuck you, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi.  Fuck you and your cats.

Side note:  This post marks the beginning of a new category of posts on this blog: Things I’ll Regret Having Written When I Sober Up.  Actually, it’s a very old category, but it’s one that I’m just now beginning to label as such.

Dear Mr. President,

Open letter sent to President Barack Obama:

Dear Mr. President,

Two hours after you were sworn in as the President of this nation, the hardest personal sting from your predecessor’s mistakes hit me hard. My city’s regional theatre, Mill Mountain Theatre, announced that it will have to close due to the financial trouble.

Mill Mountain Theatre has announced that it will close its doors after its production of “Driving Miss Daisy” closes Feb. 8.

Staff will be let go as of this Friday, Jan. 23, and plans for the theater’s future are uncertain, board member Jason Bingham said.

- The Roanoke Times

This news devastated me and my family.

All around the nation right now, regional and community theatres are closing because people can no longer afford to fund and produce their shows. Even some of the most popular Broadway shows, shows that would otherwise have run for decades, are having to pull the final curtain. Shows like Spamalot, Hairspray and Spring Awakening are having to close, in spite of their popularity, because the theatres aren’t able to keep up with production costs.

It would be so easy to forget about the arts in the middle of a financial crisis. While the automakers and the bankers are on their knees begging the nation for money, it’s hard to notice the artist and the actor and the maestro turning off the marquees and closing the galleries.

Mr. President, don’t forget about the arts.

I’m begging you, Mr. President, please keep the arts alive.

Sincerely,

Reed Braden

Roanoke, Virginia