So Long, Suckers!

I’ve always been a supporter of the idea that blogging should be free.  That’s why I use WordPress.com instead of .org and why I didn’t care when someone registered gaytheist.com.

But if you could get paid for your blog… and if you don’t have to show annoying ads on your blog to do so… and you don’t even have to write anything?  That’s fucking perfect!

So here’s the deal: a local pastor (he won’t let me say what church) is paying me $1,500 a month for every month that I don’t blog, starting today, under the condition that I, “write a farewell post explaining that [I] sold out.”

I love money more than I love blogging, so adios, motherfuckers!

Happy April Fools Theists Day

Glenn Beck is an Obnoxious Attention Whore

Watch this, if you can stomach it.

Glenn, darling, of course you don’t believe in global climate change.  How can we expect an idiot like you to know which way is up, how to tie his Velcro shoes, how to count to seven, and to know that spewing gigantic amounts of thick, black smog into the atmosphere is probably bad?

I celebrated Earth Hour.

Here’s a photo of me celebrating.

Because my lights are out, you can’t really see it, but it’s a picture of me punching Glenn Beck in his smirking, smarmy, oily face.

Glenn, go fuck yourself.

Too Lazy To Write A Formal Post

The Rational Response Squad isn’t really worth the time to write a real post on, so I copy-pasted a conversation with my co-author CJ below.

Twitter is abuzz with the news of JREF and the irRational Repulsive Squad’s YouTube accounts being suspended.  I’m sceptical of the claims that Google and YouTube are censoring Atheists and even more sceptical of the claims that the RRS is doing anything remotely innocent.  Those two claims come up a lot and are almost always wrong:  The RRS is almost always the worst sleazebag in the room and Google is almost always standing under the untarnished halo.

And then of course a rabid RRS supporter @replied me on Twitter and accused me of lying when I only expressed my scepticism. For a “sceptical” organisation, they sure hate it when people are sceptical of their claims… I wonder why that could be.

(8:04:05 PM) Me: Know anything about the Rational Response Squad YouTube debacle?
(8:04:41 PM) CJ: No
(8:04:43 PM) Me: Their account was allegedly suspended due to their Atheism. I think they’re riding the wave of sympathy over the JREF suspension, the evidence supports both sides equally, although they could have easily faked a ban. Just wondering if you could shed some light on it.
(8:04:45 PM) CJ: I was going to ask you.
(8:06:09 PM) Me: I think RRS had an old YT account they no longer used (because they host their own on video.rationalwhatever and never link to YT from their site) and purposefully had it banned through filing DMCA requests against themselves or uploading illegal vids to jump on the sympathy bandwagon.
(8:06:25 PM) CJ: Woudln’t be surprised
(8:06:51 PM) Me: My only proof is that they don’t use YT at all on their site, and they integrate everything they have on their site, so it’s highly suspicious.
(8:06:58 PM) CJ: Yeah
(8:07:07 PM) CJ: I can’t see why YT would ban someone that hasn’t posted in months
(8:07:09 PM) Me: Plus, whenever we hear about them, they’re being repressed in some unprovable way.
(8:08:47 PM) Me: It could also be that someone fake DMCA’d JREF and RRS’s channels and they were both banned at no fault to RRS and YT/Goog, but the news of them going down came out the same day.
(8:08:53 PM) Me: So it’s weird.
(8:09:27 PM) CJ: I wouldn’t put anything past RRS
(8:15:15 PM) Me: I want to post something about this, but I’m lazy, so I think I’ll just copy-paste this conversation.
(8:15:29 PM) CJ: Okay.

[Then we talk about Family Guy.  Nothing to see here.]

(8:18:41 PM) CJ: By the way, I want to act as a character reference for Google.
(8:19:04 PM) CJ: They’re a corporation with a soul.
(8:19:13 PM) CJ: If every company was google we’d hvae no economic crisis
(8:19:32 PM) Me: Yes, and they care about having the most customers as possible, so they wouldn’t alienate large swaths of clientele.
(8:19:42 PM) CJ: They have a solar-powered carport that charges 8 electric cars that employees are allowed to use, free of charge, periodically, to get to and from work.
(8:20:10 PM) CJ: Their company’s internal website has a sign-up sheet for a daily group bike commute to work
(8:20:19 PM) Me: So the JREF stuff can be attributed to false DMCA requests more easily than Google’s evilness.
(8:20:20 PM) CJ: And they provide shuttle service around san francisco to pick their employees up and bring them to work.
(8:20:30 PM) CJ: Yeah.
(8:20:43 PM) Me: And I still think RRS DMCA’d themselves. No one cares enough about them anymore to pick a fight.
(8:20:47 PM) CJ: Yeah.
(8:20:58 PM) Me: We’ll see how it plays out. It’s all a bit too fishy.
(8:21:38 PM) CJ: Their website has always looked like something I made in 3rd grade on Geocities
(8:22:44 PM) CJ: Also, one of the requirements for a project to be approved for R&D at Google, is that the profit margin be large enough to have some appropriated for carbon offset projects
(8:23:41 PM) Me: Oh… so the horse shit burned to fill the RRS with hot air is too bad for the environment, so Google banned them?
(8:23:42 PM) Me: Got it.

Let’s talk about art and shit…

So if you haven’t heard…the site of the former World Trade Center which was going to be called The Freedom Tower has been re-named. The future building and the site where it is presently being very slowly constructed will now be officially referred to by its address, One World Trade Center. Some people are…well…pissed.

I, personally, could care less.

What does the name really change about the building? Or about 9/11? What do people think the name “Freedom Tower” accomplishes that “One World Trade Center” doesn’t? Do we really think that the name “Freedom Tower” is some kind of giant middle finger to terrorism?

Retaining the name of the original building and address is much more powerful than trying to rename the site in a way that trys to be strong and proud, and ends up coming off a bit pathetic.

The issue of the name is really the least of the World Trade Centers many controversies. There have been issues with the building and architecture itself, the memorial, and most interestingly the cultural centers meant to take up residency there.

There were several cultural institutions that were going to be in or around the new building as a part of the new center. They included a performing arts center, a drawing center, a dance repertory theatre, and the International Freedom Center which was specifically designed for the site.

At least two of these have come under fire and will likely be kicked out of their residency opportunities for wanting to display art that is considered “unpatriotic” and “un-American”. While I am ignorant about the exact artwork that inspired the debate, one critic said the exhibit in question was “silly, self-important, half-baked pieces of ‘political art’”. Those on the side of giving the Drawing Center the boot wanted guarntees that the center would never display anything anit-American or that questions the values of New York or freedom.

What is that exactly? How does one define what is offensive or unethical??

And in what context is it appropriate to create art in the wake of a major disaster or catstrophe?

Another group exhibition in 2005 came under fire for being open on September 11, just 8 blocks away from the WTC.

One has to ask…when can we move on??

When are we allowed to stop being silent and to begin creating art, and begin to question what happened and why? Part of processing pain and bearing witness to the traumatic events is to find a voice with which to tell the story of that pain. Part of that is by telling the story…and one of the best ways for people to do that is with art.

How long will we be asked to sit in silence and not process our pain because some people who want to wallow in misery or denial deem the art of catastrophe to be inappropriate?

So do I care about the renaming of the Freedom Tower? Not really. It seems like an opportunity to stop wallowing and to finally move on. There are still hurdles, but this could be a very good step.

–Katie

Jesus Body!

From Engrish Funny:

Jesus Body
New discovery to be kept secret from others. This discovery is a secret. I can lay it down because I am correct.  We will not make you sorry.  Please to have the real thing.  I really longed for this.

Reminds me of something I saw at a record shop in Seaside, Florida:

Dick In A Box

Pastor Ben Dailey at Calvary Church in Texas is desperate for attention.  If 4,000 people come hear him preach on Easter, April 12, he will shut himself in a 6X6 plexi-glass cube on his church roof for three days and three nights the following Sunday… I guess because Jesus was in the tomb for three days?  I don’t know.  Hey, Ben!  You know he was dead when he was in the tomb, right?

Three days in a plexi-glass cube on the roof of a church in Texas.  The guy is going to get sun poisoning and come down on the first day.  Just watch.

H/T: Friendly Atheist

Grape Nuts for Christ

I really want to put some witty commentary here… but I’m completely speechless.  Come up with your own jumping the shark reference.  This video is of a minister, Cleo Clariet and his fiancé Katherine Lane singing a lovely little song about skipping breakfast with Jesus on the Tupelo, Mississippi NBC morning show.

In tragic irony, the minister died in 2004 of congestive heart failure.  Yikes.

North Korea To Test Another Missile

I just crapped myself, courtesy of the New York Times.

The North Korean government is moving another Type o’ Dong missile onto a launch pad.  South Korea, Japan and the US, the three nations most afraid of Kim Jong “I Think I’m Jesus and Elvis” Il, are shitting their pants and citing a United Nations Security Council resolution that North Korea is breaking.

SHIT!

They plan on shooting the missile over Japan.

SHIT SHIT SHIT!

If the US tries to stop them from testing missiles which could conceivably carry a nuke (like the one tested in North Korea in 2006) to the coast of California, they will quit the six-party talks, which were formed when North Korea withdrew from the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty, cutting off all constructive communication off between North Korea and the other ‘parties’; US, China, South Korea, Japan and Russia… all communication except for that one last video call from Kim Jong Il showing the evil villain stroking a kitten and laughing maniacally while the (Taepo-) dong-shaped shadow grows long over Los Angeles.

SHIT FUCK!

So when are we going to start taking North Korea seriously in the media?

Can we covertly assassinate the evil dictator instead of starting an infinite war this time?  As the last in the line of alleged god-kings, no one more insane than Kim could possibly take his place.  Nothing but good would come from shooting down the warden of this prison state.

This Is Just So… British

This is one of the funniest stories I’ve read all week… mostly because everyone’s reactions are so damn British!

From Yahoo! News UK & Ireland:

Teen paints giant phallus on roof of parents’ home

A British teenager inspired by an ancient fertility symbol painted a 60-foot phallus on the roof of his parents house, a newspaper reported on Tuesday.

Rory McInnes painted the giant genitalia on the newly-finished flat roof of his parents’ million-pound mansion in a village 60 miles (100 kilometres) west of London, The Sun tabloid said.

But the imposing member remained a closely-guarded secret for a whole year before it was ‘discovered’ by a helicopter pilot flying over the area.

Contacted by the paper, his father Andy McInnes first dismissed the report as a joke.

"It’s an April Fool’s joke, right? There’s no way there’s a 60-foot phallus on top of my house," he said before ringing round each of his four children.

When he got hold of Rory, who is spending a year travelling between finishing school and starting university, the teen reportedly said: "Oh, you’ve found it then!"

The 18-year-old student said he had decided to act last year after watching a documentary about the satellite images on Google Earth, saying he thought the artwork would make his parents’ home stand out.

The oversized organ is an enlarged copy of the most well-known feature of the Cerne Abbas Giant, an 80-foot (55-metre) figure of a naked man which is carved into the side of a chalk hill in Dorset, southwest England.

Clearly sexually aroused, the club-wielding giant is believed to be an Iron Age fertility symbol which has proven popular with copulating couples hoping to conceive.

But the McInneses were clearly not keen on the idea of their rooftop art acting as a fertility charm.

"We don’t want any more children, so the idea of sleeping under a giant fertility symbol is rather worrying," said 49-year-old Clare McInnes, while her husband added: "When Rory gets home he will be given a scrubbing brush and white spirit and he can go and scrub it off."

Sen. McCain, Go To Time-Out!

Senator John McCain just Tweeted, “Yesterday President Obama said GOP’ers have decided to just "be against whatever the other side is for." So much for bipartisanship!”

Is he making fun of Obama’s commitment to bipartisanship because his party won’t cooperate?

Let me translate this into a language these guys are more familiar with:

Teacher:  Okay, kids.  Recess time!  Here’s the new Patriot Sam action figure.  Play nice.

Kindergarten Obama:  We should both play with the doll and get along.

Second grade McCain:  Is not a DOLL!  Is a action figger.  I play wif it!

Kindergarten Obama:  But teacher said we should both play with it!

Second grade McCain:  NO!!!  DON’T WANT YOU PLAYIN’ WIF MY ACTION FIGGER!

Kindergarten Obama:  But we should play together!

Second grade McCain:  Don’t wanna!  [breaks the action figure] Now none of us can play wif my action figger.  I didn’t want it really, I just broked it cause I know you wanted it.

Kindergarten Obama:  WAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!  He broke the action figure!

Teacher:  John!  Did you break the new Patriot Sam action figure?

Second grade McCain:  Well, Obama wanted us to share it and I didn’t want to share it, so I broke it.  Hahaha!  He wanted to play together!  Hahaha!  So much for sharing!

Teacher:  Well, Senator McCain, you’re too old for time-out, so I guess we’re just going to have to euthanize you, dumbass.

God Damn the Pope.

The fury that has been bottling up inside me since the election of Herr Popenführer. Every speech the man gives either encourages something that would directly lead to the end of a group of people, insults an entire group of people, or is just otherwise littered with general idiocy, incompetence and a general sense of an archaic, anachronistic mentality not fit for someone with any kind of political power or global influence. However, never has he taken his influence in such non-chalance, as in this recent speech (Link to MSNBC’s article on the subject) wherein he decides that condoms somehow cause or encourage the spread of AIDS. I guess his line of thinking is that handing out condoms encourages them to have sex, which is the same argument used to promote abstinence-only education. As Bristol Palin and Jamie Lynn Spears so wonderfully demonstrated, abstinence-only does not work. Let me make this perfectly, crystal, huge font caps lock clear:

ABSTINENCE ONLY EDUCATION/“JUST DON’T DO IT” DOESN’T WORK. THEY’RE GOING TO GET HORNY AND SCREW WHETHER YOU WANT THEM TO OR NOT, AT LEAST TEACH THEM HOW TO PROTECT THEMSELVES.

I hope some day more people will realize that just telling people, especially their children, not to do something, isn’t going to stop them from doing it. Besides just sex, kids need to be taught about the dangers of drugs like heroin, and cocaine, and about alcohol and cigarettes, and led to make decisions on their own. But that’s another rant for another day. On the topic at hand, Herr Popenführer doesn’t seem to realize that to the African people, many of whom receive the only aid they get from catholic missionaries, his word is very important, and all they will get out of his speech is that condoms are bad. President Bush was a start, but we have to remove all of the idiots and religious fanatics from power around the world if we ever expect there to be peace, and there wouldn’t be a place where millions of people were allowed or encouraged to die.

Tweet!

I know I’m not the most regular blogger in the world, mainly because in my line of work, one day I could work 11 hours and the next be off all day, and not know it until that morning. So, I’ve decided to pick up twittering, because my cell phone is my lifeline and through it I basically conduct my life and my business. You can follow me from my twitter page here: CJDeak

AIG Bonuses

As much as I have railed on AIG for the $165 million dollars in bonuses, really, it’s not that big of a deal.  We , that taxpayers, gave them $170 billion.

$165,000,000 in bonuses

$170,000,000,000 bailout money

That’s less than 1% of the bailout money we gave then.  Hell, that’s less than 0.1% of the bailout money we gave them!

Sure, the people who authored the downfall of an American giant shouldn’t receive bonuses, but is that 0.09% what we should really be focusing on?

I can think of 165 million things that are more important.  I’d list them all, but your computers would crash.  How about the top 25?

1. Clean energy
2. Cheap energy
3. Domestically made energy
4. Public infrastructure
5. Senate abuse of the filibuster
6. Tracking the other hundreds of billions of dollars of bailout money
7. Equal rights for all Americans
8. The $11,000,000,000,000 ($11 trillion) of deficit we’re in
9. Setting a timeline and an agenda for Afghanistan
10. Getting our soldiers out of Iraq safely
11. Kim Jong Il
12. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
13. Preventing the next depression
14. Teaching schoolchildren about economics (preventing future catastrophes)
15. Al Qaeda
16. Funding education in a time of school cutbacks
17. Bailing out police forces, fire stations and other emergency responders
18. Feeding, clothing and housing the growing numbers of homeless people
19. Providing work to the unemployed and underemployed 14% of the US population
20. Creating a secure, but sane (no vigilantism), border security policy
21. Funding the arts in a time when patrons and donors are tight on money
22. Keeping the print media alive in a time when subscriptions are lower than ever
23. The World Trade Centre is still a big ol’ hole.
24. New Orleans is still a mess
25. Which of the Jonas Brothers is the gayest?  (Yes, that, to me, is a bigger deal than the AIG bonuses… and I hate the Jonas Brothers.)

And 164,999,975 others…

Not necessarily in that order

XKCD has the right idea:

Eideh Shoma Mobarak

Today, Iranians are celebrating their new year holiday, Nowruz.

President Obama sent a message to the Iranian people and government of Iran and called the Iranian culture and nation great several times.  He ended with the Farsi greeting Eideh Shoma Mobarak.

Oh dear… the righties are going to go crazy over this.

Hypothetical hick:  That brownish President Osama guy is callin’ those towelheads great and speaking in funny languages!  You know what I heard?  Billy Boy takes classes in Arab down down at that there community college, and he said it means, "Osama strike now!”  Yeah!  I know!  No, you cain’t use my bunker, Jed.  Build y’own.

I’m happy to see that the leader of the US can finally step up and speak kindly to the people of Iran and show that we do care about bridging our cultural differences in the name of peace. 

I like JDLK2005’s comment on this post:

Great speech
Totally beats Bush’s "Hey Irania…. you guys suckl!!" speech

Big Lick Conspiracy

This has nothing to do with anything, but Big Lick Conspiracy, Roanoke’s premier improv troupe is having its first performance at its new location, the Jefferson Center on Campbell Ave. in Roanoke, VA.  I will defer to the namesake of the new location for further details:

Dear Patrons of Improv Comedy–I write you this letter in anticipation for the event which we hopefully shall all soon witneſs, the introduction of Big Lick Conſpiracy, Roanoke’s premier improv comedy troupe, to my own facility in that city, The Jefferson Centre, on this Saturday, the 21^st of March, at 8:00 in the evening. I, myself, was revived by my ancestor George–hailing from the East Side–for this occasion. The Conſpiracy has informed me that there will be on hand a steward of fermented spirits of the variety and volume enough to stagger the disposition of even that drink-sodden popinjay Aaron Burr! But I jest.

As I have often told my colleague Benjamin Franklin, “never put off until tomorrow what you can do today,” so should you make haste in calling the Jefferson Centre on what they tell me is called a telephone at 540-345-2550 and order tickets for you and your family at the trifle cost of $9.00 per person. (An aside–It has come to my attention that Ben “I can’t attend the Revolution today, sirs, because I have gout.” Franklin is on the $100 note whereas I, the gentleman who carried the deadweight of this country’s infancy on his bent and weary back, am merely upon the $2 note. We shall discuss this matter later.)

President Thomas Jefferson

Wikileaks Illegal in Oz

The Australian government just added Wikileaks, a wiki project devoted to forcing government and corporate transparency, to a list of websites that Australians cannot publish links to.  Violations could cost you up to $11,000 for every day the hyperlink is up.

It makes me wonder what the Australian government is afraid of and what they’re trying to hide.  No innocent government would ban an organisation that strives to hold all governments accountable for their actions.

I have a lot of readers in Australia.  If you ever need to link to Wikileaks from your own blog or site, feel free to link to this post—which is saturated in American freedom and bald eagle shit—which links to Wikileaks.  Your local readers can’t click through, but at least you’ found a way around the link ban.

WIKILEAKS

No One Takes David Mabus Seriously

David Mabus, who fancies himself Nostradamus’ manboy, spends way too much time typing long, schizoid tirades against James Randi and Richard Dawkins and mass-mailing them to Atheists (and apparently Pope Benedict).  His latest one was met with several “reply to alls,” none of which gave David any iota of respect… but who respects spammers?

Greg Laden:

Dave,

I’d love to help you out on this, but I’m busy winning the Belgian Lottery and helping out this nice lady from Nigeria with her inheritance.

Greg

Brian Thompson:

Dave, enough.  Seriously, this is getting out of hand.  What we had was something special, but it’s over now.  Why drag everyone in the science and skepticism community into this?  It’s not about them.  It’s about us.

Only, there is no “us” anymore.  That night we made love in the Astrodome skybox was one I’ll never forget.  I never knew a double chili cheese dog could offer such exquisite pleasures.  And exquisite pains…

But you manipulated me and my weakness for great seats.  Just like you manipulated me throughout our entire relationships.  You once pulled my strings, but I’ve cut them now.

Find another love puppet, Dave, before madness overtakes you.

Formerly yours,

Brian

Me:

David,

I don’t even know why you still email me.  I’m now a Born Again Christian.  It all started when I left three potatoes baking in the oven and got drunk (I was an immoral Atheist, mind you.) and forgot that they were in there.  Three hours later, I remembered that they were in there and pulled them out.  They were perfectly cooked in spite of my drunken forgetfulness.  This small miracle convinced me that EVILution is a lie, God is real, God looks out for me and not my enemies, Jesus Christ of Nazareth is truly the Son of God, Muslims are Satan’s minions, the Grand Canyon was carved by Noah’s flood, James Randi is the Anti-Christ and Richard Dawkins is a homosexual dung heap.  For some people it’s a frozen waterfall, for me it was potatoes.  I would appreciate your removing me from this list.  Seeing my name shoved in there with all of those baby-eating spaghetti-worshiping pigs makes me feel dirty.

Thanks.

In the name of Christ, the King and Redeemer of all of His Sheep,

Reed Braden

I’ve had his ISP disconnect him several times and he still finds ways around it.  It seems the best way to get him to stop is to mock him and show him that no one fucking cares.

The potato thing is true… but I give all the credit to aluminium foil and the indestructibility of starch.  God knows better than to touch my potatoes.

Well, damn.

Today, the national debt hit $11,000,000,000,000.00.

What The Fuck, Karl? Honestly?

In case any of you had the slightest urge to take Karl Rove seriously, urge no more, my friends.  Karl Rove is starting a trivia game on Twitter called #TWITTERIVIA Tuesdays.

#TWITTERIVIA Tuesdays

by Karl Rove
Published: March 17, 2009

Join Karl Rove for #TWITTERIVIA every Tuesday!

Here’s how it works: Karl Rove will Twitter a trivia question at 10:00 PM Eastern on the dot via TweetLater (a scheduled Tweet). The first person to send the correct answer (spelling included) to @karlrove will win

Okay.  That’s douchey enough.  But… just for shits and giggles… what do they win?

a personalized autographed photo. No direct messages (DMs).

Good luck!

What the fuck, Karl?  Really?  What the fuck?

He tweeted incessantly about it tonight.

I’ll be starting my own Twitterivia Tuesdays game at 10PM today as well.  The same rules apply.  I’ll tweet a question at 10.  Tweet the answer to @reedbraden.  The winner gets a personalised, autographed photo of Karl Rove looking like a dumbass.  I don’t have the funds to mail it, so I’ll post it here.

Things That Make Me Happy

I decided that today is a good day for happy things, so this post is dedicated to things that make me happy.

Please feel free to add your own things that make you happy in the comments.

• Pop songs with background orchestration
• Guys wearing thermal shirts
• Unashamed drag queens and derby girls
• 
• People who get tattoos with personal meanings behind them
• People who dedicate books and performances to their parents
• Tight vocal harmony
• Powdery snow
• Shostakovich, Prokofiev and Dvořák
• Haircuts
• 
• Websites devoted to cute pictures of baby animals
• Strangers helping strangers
• Hot fried chicken and homemade smashed potatoes
• Pulling on blue jeans straight out of the drier
• Chaucer
• Finishing a novel and starting another
• Aimlessly hitting chords on a freshly-tuned piano
• Deb’s frozen lemonade
• Listening to bad karaoke with friends
• 
• Meeting new friends
• Catching up with old friends
• Random phone calls from grandparents and cousins
• Cheese fries from Macado’s
• Mozart’s operas
• Singing along with musical soundtracks while home alone
• Taking random black and white photographs
• Spur-of-the-moment detours to random places
• 
• Crazy hats
• Pointless holidays
• Shakespeare
• Excitable puppies
• Summer beers and cheap cigars
• 
• Telling people I’m an Atheist after doing a good deed
• Mo-town
• Doing dishes by hand on a rainy day
• Old books and used bookstores
• The orchestral warmup and overture before an opera or musical
• Finishing a short story
• Jazz trumpet
• 
• Romantic comedies
• Making lists of things that make me happy