Homosecular Gaytheist

31 July 2009

Bob Goodlatte? Birther?

Filed under: Local Stuff, Politics, Reed for Congress — Rev. J. Reed Braden @ 6:09 am

Bob Goodlatte, the representative from my own VA-6 Congressional district, has yet to give a clear statement on whether or not he believes President Obama is a US citizen or not.  He sponsored the “Birther Bill” (HR 1503) that would require submitting one’s birth certificate (complete with highly personal information) to the public record before one can become the President.*

It appears that Bob Goodlatte doesn’t believe that Barack Obama is a US citizen!

Hey, douchebag!  Here it is!  Here’s Obama’s birth certificate!

barack-obama

You can’t see the raised Seal of the State of Hawaii on the scan—although it is faintly visible in a high-resolution version, available in a million or so places on the Internet, so here is a photograph of the official Hawaii “short-form” birth certificate.

raised-seal-on-obama-birth-certificate1

And, in case you were wondering, Bob, I’m not a Kenyan either!  Here’s mine!

JRB Birth Certificate Blogsafe

Mine is only a copy too, but my original was destroyed in a fire at a storage facility in Germantown, Tennessee.  These “short form” certificates, as Birthers like to call them, are official copies that are valid proof in a US court of law that there is official record of your birth in the United States.

Where’s yours, Bob?  You haven’t submitted your birth certificate to public scrutiny, so obviously you’re a Muslim!

dope

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30 July 2009

Epic Throwdown At Ken Ham’s Creation Museum

Filed under: Atheism, ID — Rev. J. Reed Braden @ 12:37 am

PZ Myers and Ken Ham created a huge scene at the creation museum.

Jen from Blag Hag has the story.

29 July 2009

THE VIDEO THE GOVT DOES NOT GIVE A RAT’S ASS IF YOU SEE

Filed under: Dumbasses, Politics, Snivelling Bitches, Snivelling Douchebags — Rev. J. Reed Braden @ 6:35 pm

This video called, “THE VIDEO THE GOVT DOES NOT WANT YOU TO SEE,” was posted on Wonkette today.  I’m surprised Wonkette didn’t turn their trusty snark cannon on the obvious racism here.

Conservative:  OMGZ!  IT’S A BUNCH OF BROWN AND YELLOW PEOPLE WITH FUNNY NAMES!!!  TERRORISTS!!!  TERRORISTS!!!!!  AND THEY’S ALL LIBERALS!!!!!!  THIS IS BECAUSE LIBERALS ARE TERRORISTS!!!!!

Me:  Or maybe it’s because many of the people in this video were raised in countries with decent education systems and are honestly intelligent, so they’re not so dumb that they will willingly join a party that actively spews this sort of racist garbage.

Conservative:  BUT THEY AREN’T WHITE!!!  THEY’S ALL FROM KENYA!!!  WHERE’S THEY BIRTH CERTIFICATES??!

Somehow, in the past year, conservatives have become the stupidest people on the planet, beating out the Mormons, the African “witch” murderers and the Scientologists by far.  If they keep this up, moderate America is ours for the next several elections.  If you think 60 in the Senate is a super-majority, think again.  If this crap continues to lead the GOP, I’m fully expecting a 75-25 Democrat majority  over the next three election cycles.

Warning to Gay Libertarians

Filed under: Dumbasses, Gay Rights, Politics — Rev. J. Reed Braden @ 4:40 am

Don’t get sucked in (or sucked off) by this guy.

There are few more informed than I am.
- Dr. Tom Stevens, “Objectivist” and Idiot

NakedBoysTRS-600x399

Image from stonewalllibertarians.org.

Meet Dr. (of what?) Tom Stevens, executive director of the group Stonewall Libertarians.  (He’s the one who, thankfully, is wearing a shirt.)  He really wants gay people to vote for him, so he awkwardly poses with shirtless gay men and puts the pictures up online.

However, he’s not our friend.  He started a new political party called the Objectivist Party on the heels of the Ron Paul craze with the intention of creating a political organisation that laps lovingly at Ayn Rand’s vagoo harder than the Libertarians.  He also believes our kids should smoke crack.

He speaks fairly well about why we need to do away with DOMA (Defence of Marriage Act) and DADT (Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell), but if you push the subject with him, he will reveal that:

  • he does not believe that being gay is a biological trait;1
  • he believes that gay people are be “conditioned” to be gay;2
  • he believes that some people choose to be gay;3
  • he believes it is logically “sick” for gay people to believe that they are normal people;4
  • he believes the idea that being gay is something determined by genetics, hormone development in-utero and brain wiring is not scientific, rather it is a lie perpetuated by gay rights activists;5
  • and he believes that because he is a lawyer and an “educator”, he obviously knows everything about homosexuality that there is to know, and anyone who disagrees with him does so because they are ignorant and won’t bow to his vastly superior authority on the issue.6

All of these quotes are from Tom Stevens in the comments on a Facebook note by Charles Wentling and from a private conversation between the two, made public here.  They correspond with the above bullets.

1 – “Blindly-stupid, hypocritically minded, etc etc.
All because you think being gay is 100% biological and I disagree.
Testimonials will not help since a person is not fully aware of all the forces, cultural programming, personal experiences and thoughts that were reinforced with the reward of pleasure over the years.”

2 – “each person has little choice because the conditioned responses are so powerful.”   “People who like girls with large breasts or small ankles, or midgets, or men with hairy legs or fur, etc. etc. are not born with those turn-on and sexual attractions. They are conditioned and reinforced by early experiences to develop those likes. One is not BORN bi, straight or gay and no ‘science’ proves that including twin studies and all the other crap science that shows effects and not causes.”

3 – “You make a classic error when you argue that no one would choose to be gay given society’s discrimination”

4 – “You desperately want to be ‘normal’ and so if you were born gay, in your sick logic, it was not your ‘fault’ that you deviated from the norms of society.”

5 – “Had you said there was no moon landing, then you clearly would be a kook but since you think this issue of homosexuality is settled, it shows me you cannot see past the desire to activists who wish to make it an inherent trait in order to promote their agenda.”

6 – “and as for not knowing about the ‘biology’ of homosexuality, you forget that I teach this issue and have for many years. There are few more informed than I am. You are truly the ignorant one here.”

Is it good that he’s fighting for gay rights?  Yes, I think it is.  Should gay people respect him and follow his leadership when he makes no effort to understand what makes a person gay?  Absolutely not.  He is fighting for gay rights because that is what’s “vogue” in social libertarian circles at the moment.  He clearly has no respect for gay people and just wants to secure the gay voting block.

As I wrote to the Mormon, Devin Jessup, president of the Kentucky chapter of Tom Stevens’ Objectivist party,

Devin, it is a great thing when a political party in the United States stands up against the ignorant horde to say, “No, we will not accept the majority view that the minority should be suppressed, no matter whose god demands it of us.”

However, it is a patronizing and disgusting thing when a party promises to say just that in order to secure a voting block because the leaders of that party (You, a member of the unabashedly anti-gay Mormon faith, and Tom, a nimrod with no knowledge, or want of knowledge, about biology and genetics) want to replace the dying Elephant in the room [The Republican Party], and can’t do it without the votes of a politically neglected minority. I don’t want a Mormon and a dipshit fighting for my rights, thank you. I don’t want to owe you cretins anything.

The right of gay men and women to get married will be won by people with a legitimate interest in equality and a true understanding of what it is, and what it is like, to be gay. It will not be won by a party of vote-whores who cling to an unproven and unstable philosophy set down by a mediocre fiction author.

Wake up, children! The struggle that we gays are going through to gain equal protection and equal recognition under the law is not a toy for you to play with, nor is it a flag for you to attract attention to yourselves with. It is my freedom, and I would like to secure it honestly.

On an incredibly bizarre note, the Stonewall Libertarian website is hosted, for some reason, on Randy Langkraehr’s Missouri gubernatorial campaign website.  All of the Stonewall Libertarian pages are hosted in randyforgovernor.com/stonewall/.  When you go back to Randy’s main website, randyforgovernor.com, all of the sidebar buttons (Home, About, Events, etc.) direct to pages hosted under randyforgovernor.com/jcrtl/, the website for the anti-abortion group Johnson County Right to Life.  And this is who Tom Stevens associates with.

Phony ToS Violation Report

Filed under: Dumbasses, HG Dumbass of the Week, Snivelling Douchebags — Rev. J. Reed Braden @ 4:39 am

I have not been able to post to Homosecular Gaythiest because a man named David George filed a phony Terms of Service violation complaint against me after I published a post about the homophobic comments his step-son Edwin Satre (alias: Edwin the Drummer) made to me on Skype.

In honour of David George’s supreme douchebaggery, his advancements in the field of asshattery and his shining example of dumbassishness, the Homosecular Gaytheist Dumbass of the Week Award will forever be called the David George Homosecular Gaytheist Dumbass of the Week Award.  And the first recipient of the David George Homosecular Gaytheist Dumbass of the Week Award is… DAVID GEORGE!  Congratulations!

HG Dumbass of the Weeklg

Our email correspondence is below the fold.

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26 July 2009

New Shirt

Filed under: General — Rev. J. Reed Braden @ 3:27 am

I made a new shirt.

3483965-1-do-not-preach-at-me

If you buy any of my shirts before Thursday 30 July 23:59 US Pacific Time, you get 15% offWoo!

25 July 2009

In Case You Forgot…

Filed under: General — Rev. J. Reed Braden @ 4:36 am

Birther Kryptonite

He was born here.

24 July 2009

Open letter to MSNBC

Filed under: General — Rev. J. Reed Braden @ 10:17 pm

Dear MSNBC,

Why is there nothing on TV tonight that doesn’t make me want to set a crate of adorable kittens on fire?

I’m watching Fox News at the moment.  Specifically, the re-run of 24 July’s  The O’Reilly Factor, hosted tonight by Mike Huckabee, with guest Glen Beck, surely here to tell us about how the scary black guy in the White House wants to kill us all with healthcare.

I just want you and your programming directors to know that whenever they play that stupid fucking overplayed Michael Jackson Neverland interview tripe, I will be watching Fox Noise… because the ignorant, hypocritical, racist tripe I’m watching now is less torturous than seeing a facially mutilated paedophile buy millions of dollars worth of pottery on TV for the 5,000th time since his death from self-medication.  I watch MSNBC for news and political commentary.  The news of Jackson’s untimely but highly predictable death was news weeks ago.  It isn’t news anymore.  Please stop this.

I missed all but the end of Olbermann tonight.  I want to see the repeat of Olbermann, not this garbage over and over again.  Whatever happened to, “A Fuller Spectrum of News,” and, “The Place for Politics,” MSNBC?  Michael Jackson is neither news or politics, and I’m sick of it.

You have failed me.

- J. Reed Braden

Job News: FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!

Filed under: Local Stuff — Rev. J. Reed Braden @ 8:48 pm

Cross-posted on Tumblr:

Good news:  I start my job at a BBQ restaurant tomorrow morning.

Bad news:  I put my life on hold for two months waiting for the restaurant to open so I could start bussing and training on serving/waiting.  Today, after not having been called in a week, I showed up to pick up my W-4 tax form thingy and… oops… the manager, who was just fired, hadn’t been keeping up with my file and I wasn’t told about yesterday’s meeting, and all of the positions in the front of the house are already filled, so I was not actually, you know… given a job.

It’s at this point in the story that I would like to mention that I was the first person to submit an application this April and I was the first interview in May, when I was told that I would be hired to bus and train on waiting/serving.

So the owner, who interviewed and promised to hire me two months ago, was “kind” enough to offer me a position washing dishes for minimum wage.

And… meltdown.

22 July 2009

Whoopi: Moon Hoaxer?

Filed under: Dumbasses, Science — Rev. J. Reed Braden @ 7:42 am

Does she really believe this crap or is she trying to be funny?

Whoopi Goldberg is not the cat’s pajamas.  (I’m sure at least one reader in Little Rock, AR will get that.)

21 July 2009

Smoochin’ For A Good Cause

Filed under: Gay Rights — Rev. J. Reed Braden @ 8:03 pm

Most of you know that the Mormon Temple in Salt Lake City was the site of a “kiss-in,” where a bunch of gay and lesbian couples descended on the Temple to kiss in protest of the Midwestern American cult’s arrest of two gay men who kissed on their property earlier this month.

Well, now, according to The Advocate, the Kiss-In has spread to the Mormon Temple in San Diego.

I love this idea and wish I thought of it first!  A Kiss-In is a fantastic way to protest at anti-gay churches, businesses and bicameral houses of certain federal legislatures.

It’s fun.

It’s catchy.

It’s easy to arrange.

It’s easy to convince people to come.

It’s a fun way to meet new homos if you’re single.

It can bring you closer to your partner.

It makes a press-worthy statement.

It’s a great statement of love.

It’s clean and wholesome.

It’s easier to clean up after than inexplicably dumping thousands of teabags on public property.

And, best of all, it will fucking infuriate the closeted homosexuals who run these organizations and churches!

Grab your partner or a trusted friend and head to your nearest haven for hate-filled douchebags (preferably Mormon cult temples at this time, as not to confuse the issue being protested) and kiss them passionately for hours!  Send pictures to reedbraden@gmail.com and I’ll make sure they get on the Internet.

Kiss on!

Vain, Plastic-Tittied Moron, Carrie Prejean, Writes A Book

Filed under: Dumbasses, Gay Rights, Snivelling Bitches — Rev. J. Reed Braden @ 4:52 pm

It’s like One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish, but with none of the wit and twelve times the hatred!

Carrie Prejean, former Miss California and current blubbering whore, has a book deal.  No doubt, she’ll use it as a platform to attack Donald Trump and the other clowns in charge of the Miss Universe Organization for having fired her because of her idiotic and oddly-worded anti-gay statement at the 2009 Miss USA Pageant–you know… instead of for the real reason; that she missed contractual obligations while on her self-promoting media-slut tour, and that she whipped her titties out in front of a camera, in violation of her contract.

Or maybe the book will be an exploration into why having fake breasts and a spray-on tan give her the proper credentials and the intellectual fortitude to be able to fairly examine the issue of whether gay marriage should be legal and come up with good, original points to support her opinion that faggots are animals. … Nah!  She’s an ignorant slut and this book is going to be a 20-page ghostwritten pamphlet with 15 full-page modeling phots.

An idea that could make the world a better place:  Carrie Prejean should write Sarah Palin’s book and Sarah Palin should write Carrie Prejean’s book.  I would read the fuck out of those trainwrecks!

20 July 2009

The Eagle Has Landed

Filed under: Science — Rev. J. Reed Braden @ 6:15 pm

To mark the 40th anniversary of Apollo 11’s historic moon landing, I offer this picture of Astronaut Buzz Aldrin attending to the lunar lander as it sits atop the moon-like surface of Astronaut Michael Collins’ head.

Glenn Lecture With Crew of Apollo 11

SCIENCE!

[Image sources: Lander, Collins]

19 July 2009

A Couple of Flamers Go On a Hot Date That Ended in Fiery Passion and Fireworks

Filed under: Local Stuff — Rev. J. Reed Braden @ 11:17 pm

I’m not superstitious by any means, but I’ve noticed a pattern that whenever something good happens in my life, something terrible happens soon thereafter to fuck me up the butt.

I went on another date with Tony tonight.  It went very well and he’s now officially my wonderful, fantastic, beautiful boyfriend.

We went up to the Roanoke Star, a massive waste of government money on Mill Mountain overlooking the city, and stood on the overlook for about five minutes until some guy who—like something out of Stephen King—knew my name ran up to the two of us and yelled, “Reed!  Is that your red car?  It’s on fucking fire!”  We ran to the parking lot and, sure enough, Tony’s car was smoking.  We got everyone to move their cars away from it and, following the advice of the ignorant horde, Tony lifted the hood of his car and the fire exploded outward.  It looked from where I was standing like Tony had been caught in the flames, but he was able to get away with nothing but singed hair on his hands.

18413812

18417840

It scared the fuck out of me.  No less than thirty minutes after Tony became my boyfriend, his car exploded.

17 July 2009

Walter Cronkite Dead

Filed under: General — Rev. J. Reed Braden @ 8:05 pm

Walter Cronkite, the man for whom the term “anchorman” was coined, died today.  He was most known for covering the Nuremburg Trials and, while at CBS, breaking the news about the assassination of President Kennedy.

Today, we lost a giant of journalism and one of the last honest news anchors.

Cronkite

Dumbass of the Week: Catherine Crabill

Filed under: Dumbasses, HG Dumbass of the Week, Politics, Snivelling Bitches — Rev. J. Reed Braden @ 6:06 pm

Via DailyKos:

Whether or not you’ve seen video of Catherine Crabill, a Republican nominee for Virginia House of Delegates, saying conservatives will be forced to “the bullet box” if they can’t win at “the ballot box,” hold onto your seat — because there’s more:

Crabill (who believes the U.S. government orchestrated the Oklahoma City bombing) claimed the Obama administration is pursuing legislation that will turn it into “the thought police” and wants to put Americans in “the chains of slavery.”

Crabill’s plan to stop Obama? Follow Texas Governor Rick Perry’s lead and declare Virginia’s sovereignty from the United States of America:

What would I do as a state delegate? … I would like to follow in the footsteps of the great state of Texas and Governor Rick Perry … They were reasserting their tenth amendment right to sovereignty.

And what if Rick Perry’s sovereignty gambit doesn’t work?

We have a chance to fight this battle at the ballot box before we have to resort to the bullet box.

I am glad for all of us who enjoy the use of firearms for hunting, but make no mistake, that was not the intent of the Founding Fathers. Our second amendment right was to guard against tyranny.

Amazingly, Crabill managed to to take things a step further, saying that the time had arrived for people to decide “here and now” what to live for and what to die for.

What we need to decide here and now is not only what is worth living for, but what is worth dying for. And it is time to make that determination because we may very well be called to pledge our lives, our fortunes, and our sacred honor. In fact, I think, I think that’s what the clarion call is for this day.

Apparently, Crabill’s first choice is to get her way through democratic means, but failing that, she is prepared to fight a civil war.

Now the question is whether or not the Virginia Republican Party will withdraw their support for this nutjob.

Even though it might help Democrats if they do stand by her threat of an armed rebellion, we’ll still all be better off if the Virginia GOP does the right thing and pulls their endorsement, because the last thing America needs right now is more right-wing nutcases infecting the public discourse.

(Deep breath…)

I’m sick and tired of all of this racist secessionist garbage in our fucking government!  A black man is elected President and for the first time since the Civil War, the South is considering secession!  Will they be wanting slavery again too?  Probably.  Only this time, it will be the Mexicans.

But this stupid cunt is trying to get elected to office in my state?

You know what, Cathy?  TREASON! TREASON! TRAITOR!!! Fuck off!  You’re Dumbass of the Week so fucking hard that you brought back the dead gimmick, you Skank Ho Bitch!  GLAHRBLRARBLRARBLRARBLFLOGGARARBL!!!

HGDumbassoftheWeeklg.gif

Anyone who can watch this video all the way through without making the same noise I did (“GLAHRBLRARBLRARBLRARBLFLOGGARARBL!!!”) gets a cupcake.

Pat Buchanan Has Stopped Trying to Hide His Racism

Filed under: Politics — Rev. J. Reed Braden @ 7:33 am

Sure, maybe Sonia Sotomayor was picked because she is a Latina woman.  Fine.  However, she’s the best Latina woman for the job and she’s more qualified than any other justice of the Supreme Court from first Chief Justice John Jay until today.  I was a bit skeptical about her at first, but I’ve done hours and hours of research on her judicial career and with every new fact I’ve found, my faith in her judgment gets stronger.

Pat Buchanan’s screaming rant against her was disgusting and is, I think, very good grounds for dismissal from thee MSNBC network.  He can’t seem to wrap his head around the fact that maybe–just maybe–the fact that her skin is darker than his has nothing to do with the judiciary.  He never mentioned her history as a lawyer or as a judge, he was fixated entirely on her race.  And then he used an analogy to compare Sonia Sotomayor with the hurtful stereotype that black men are the best athletes, trying to justify his racism with more racism.  MSNBC needs to fire this racist, nationalistic, bigoted trainwreck before he snaps in the head and becomes MSNBC’s Glen Beck.

People who will have been offended at any time during this interview smackdown:

  • Latinos
  • Women
  • Blacks
  • Athletes
  • Whites
  • Judges
  • Americans
  • People with brains

While we’re on the subject, I still have no information about where she would rule on gay marriage.  That’s a tad worrisome, but I trust that since she has been a shining beacon of rationality thusfar, she will continue to judge with reason and intelligence, something SCOTUS is lacking in currently.

Let’s Play a Little Game

Filed under: General — Rev. J. Reed Braden @ 3:40 am

I just posted a new Tee Shirt that gives you the option to buy a share in my continued healthy existence for a measly $35.

I figure there’s also a large market of people out there who want me to have a slow, painful death… so here’s another shirt.

Keep Smoking

*  J. Reed Braden waives all right to hold buyers of this shirt responsible for any of the effects of cigarette smoking on his health.

“Obamacare” Will Be The Nazi Holocaust Plus Pol Pot of Foetuses

Filed under: Abortion, Dumbasses — Rev. J. Reed Braden @ 2:59 am

I’m sorry… what the fuck!?

wtf Obamacare?

I weep for that 40% of a baby.

Not giving them a link.

Extreme Sports Christ

Filed under: Comics — Rev. J. Reed Braden @ 2:51 am

Its-official,-Jesus-is-my-new-favorite-recurring-C+H-character[C+H]

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